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Sunday, October 14, 2007

Warning: I'm feeling especially peeved today over all of the repeat questions we are getting from everyone in general (No, not the blogging community. You're safe from my wrath.) The following blog may not be suitable for people who are new to this adoption process and are still enjoying the endless supply of 'innocent' questions...or were through this process so long ago that you have forgotten about these blasted things!

I ask you to please excuse the rantings of a truly MAD woman!
Alright...I'm getting sick of it.
I've just about had it.
I can't take it anymore.
They're driving me NUTS!!!
It's the same questions over and over and over...again...from the same people.
Did they not hear my answers the first thousand times?
What about the one I just gave them two seconds ago...did ya'll get that one?!
I guess not.
So for those of you who are curious as to what I'm dealing with here...here are Tami's Top 10 list of questions from friends who aren't really paying attention at all! And the answers I wish I would have either thought of or had the courage to spew out of my mouth.

1. Do you know what you're getting?

A child.

2. Yea...but is it going to be a boy or a girl?

(For the hundreth time...) We're asking the Lord for a girl, but are keeping our eyes open and our minds alert to the possibility that he wants us to have another boy. Either way he or she will be a blessing. We'll love him/her the same.

3. What are you naming her?

Alright...I guess this is a legitimate question. After all, we really haven't nailed that one down yet, but COME ON! Can't you cut me a little slack already? Meshack and I are trying to come up with a compromise here and you just can't rush a masterpiece, alright?!

4. What do the kids think?

The kids are fine with it. Honest. If they weren't I wouldn't tell you anyway, but they're fine...really.

5. Four? Are you kidding me? Why would you want that large of a family? Are you a glutton for punishment or what?!

Yes...this actually did come out of some one's mouth. This person has an only child...no plans for any more. Obviously.
I wish I would have had the courage to come up with a real zinger to fire back at her. The closest I can come up with is, 'FOUR? I don't consider that a large family, but even if I did - WHAT BUSINESS IS IT OF YOURS?!!!'
Somehow it doesn't really cut it for me.
Suggestions anyone?

6. Is she the kid's real sister?

Yea. Me too.

7. Why not adopt a kid from the U.S.?

Hmmm...I don't know...maybe because we feel CALLED. This is what we're SUPPOSED to do! We love these people and these children. These kiddos are absolutely precious, loving, beautiful, funny, charismatic, sweet children, who make our house a home, and give us the chance to be a FAMILY!
Is THAT enough of a reason?!!!!!
Besides...I really don't want to have to deal with the truly inept state foster-to-adopt system. (I know, I'm not really displaying a Godly attitude here, but I'm sick of these questions. I'm about to shut down all outside communication with stupid people.)

8. So you don't know who you're getting. How in the world are you going to decide? Do you have to go into an orphanage and 'pick one'.

Sometimes, I really wish Ho!ly wood would just stop making movies about adoption. They can't seem to get it right anyway. Then, maybe people would stop getting these ridiculous impressions stuck in their brain.
Like we're going to walk into an orphanage, have them line the children up so we can inspect them like troops and pick the 'best' one! (I seriously hope you're hearing the sarcasm here!)

9. How can you love a child that isn't your own?

Yea. I've got some real winners for friends don't I?! Thankfully, this comment came from someone I can't really call a friend. More of an acquaintance...and I'm going to be making a point to be less acquainted with her in the future.
Thankfully, I did have a pretty good answer on the tip of my tongue...and surprisingly it wasn't too nasty.
"This child WILL be my own."

And the most frequently asked question...

10. How long are you going to be gone? Do you realize you'll be gone for Christmas?

Nooooo!? Really?! I had no idea!
YES! I KNOW I'LL PROBABLY MISS CHRISTMAS WITH MY KIDS AND MY HUSBAND. BUT I'LL ALSO BE SPENDING IT WITH ONE OF MY OTHER CHILDREN!!!!! And I have no idea how long I'll be gone. I could be back in time for Christmas if it has to be a two trip system. The kids seem to be okay with it, so why can't you be?!

Do you see what I'm dealing with here?
It was never this bad with the first three adoptions.
Or maybe it's just that I'm more sensitive to it now than I ever was.
I'm not upset with the truly curious.
I'm just sick of the repeat offenders.
You know...the people who ask the same stupid, uninformed questions time and again, many times in front of our precious children.
I don't know if they didn't get the answers the first time around...they're really that dense...or they're hoping for a different answer this time.
But they're the ones I'm truly peeved at.
Do they truly not get it?
What is so hard to understand?!
We are adopting internationally.
Our time table is not their timetable.
Our ways are not their ways.

14 salty messages:

Missy October 14, 2007 at 6:16 PM  

Don't ya just wish people would mind their own business! I'm not sure why people find it necessary to poke their nose into someone else's life. (But I'm not bitter or anything!) ;)

Rachael October 14, 2007 at 7:47 PM  

So, really, what ARE you naming her -- or is it him?


MamaPoRuski October 14, 2007 at 9:20 PM  

I am feeling the same way, we have been home for almost a month with our new son and are getting the same sort of silly questions. My all time favorite so far has been "Will his REAL mom come and get him?" (Yes, I pick him up after school and will be sure to not lose him at the grocery store...)
So glad to have you as a fellow ambassador for children, educating the well meaning, but uninformed people. After all, if they truly "got it" they would be adopting too!

Nataliya October 15, 2007 at 9:14 AM  

Oh no, why people are so insensitive? I hope it's just because of ignorance? Tami, I truly understand your feeling, even though I haven't got that many stupid questions. I had my share, and that's why I didn't tell almost anybody except the closest friends that we are adopting until we've got a travel date.

So, don't pay any attention to them... They just don't know better!

kate October 15, 2007 at 11:36 AM  

i think people just don't know what to say to show they're interested...so they keep asking the same things. sorry your last nerve is being stepped on. and, yes--some of those are realy doozies!

Anonymous,  October 15, 2007 at 1:23 PM  

I had sort of the same questions. My favorite though was "Will the kid you adopt have a Russian accent when he grows up?" (keep in mind, he is two) Being from the South I said with the straighted face possible..."I think he will sound just as southern as we do." She could not believe this.

3D October 15, 2007 at 1:40 PM  

Ugh...hard to take. Hugs!

There are questions from those who are genuine and interested and then there the ones from the insensitive and rude.

Keep smilin!

BethPie October 15, 2007 at 7:40 PM  

I'm sorry. :o(

We get a lot of questions, too. But right now, they just seem to be well intentioned and genuinely curious. Since we're adopting transracially, I'm expecting some insensitive comments from ignorant people and if it's just to me, I'll try to ignore them. One concern is comments that could be made in front of our children. So we're just praying for wisdom in how to handle those situations.

Lucia October 15, 2007 at 7:41 PM  

Oh my, Tami! I just HAD to read this to John. Yes, with inflections in my voice and all! :o)

LOVE the question about Russian accent vs. Southern accent! LOL

So far, the only real stupid question has been "Why adopt from Ukraine? Why not the U.S.?" Our response: "Kids here have resources; kids elsewhere do not once they are on their own (see 100,000 Orphans video). As much as we would like to rescue them all, God has called us to rescue two little girls."

And, yes, the walkers, if they did "get it," they WOULD be adopting and bring a child the joy of a family and the gift of knowing Him.

adoptedthree October 16, 2007 at 8:27 AM  

I love the questions :) It helps to educate others about adoption. Sometimes people get WAY more then they cared to learn- ha ha!!

DoveFamily October 17, 2007 at 10:42 AM  

The questions can be down-right insulting at times. And what drives us crazy is not only the "lack of education" on the subject... but when they do ask, they don't seem to ever listen to the answer. So a few weeks later, here comes the same question.

I can't wait for the new set of questions - and "uneducated" observations - once we're back home :) (I hope you sensed the sarcasm there) I'm trying to prepare my witty answers ahead of time!

MoscowMom October 17, 2007 at 8:06 PM  

Oh my!!!!!! I can't believe people say such things!!!! Um, well, then again... My own mother comes out with some real doozies at the mention of my ever having another child (that would make it three--hardly a huge family...). You can be certain that I haven't mentioned to her that we're open to one day adopting an older Russian child... She even posted one of those comments on my blog ("If we can't have a brother, can't we at least have a worm?" back in June or July). Knowing how much my mom loves me and my kids, but still says such things, I'm guessing that those insensitive people are just that--insensitive, but it doesn't mean that they intend to hurt your feelings.

Just think--your replies may somehow touch one of them, and they'll refrain from making similar comments to someone else who is adopting. Perhaps to someone who is caught up in the frustrating red tape you go through while adopting and who just doesn't have the strength on that particular day to deal with someone's comments.

I wonder how Jesus would reply... If his sense of humor ever came through... Yours sure does!

Kim October 18, 2007 at 4:01 PM  

Oh, I remember those questions. and a few others. For us the big one was "when are you going?" because we didn't know until it was time to go. I hate.. hate.. hated the "how do the kids feel about this?" question. Really none of your business, but do people honestly think that we would bring another child into a home where the children already living there were going to have a problem with it?!?

okay, you got me riled up and we are all through the process. we still get stupid questions though, they are just different ones now!


Julie October 23, 2007 at 1:27 AM  

I just had to comment on this one! One of my favorites is - will you have to teach her English? Ummmm. Ya think?
You're right, the most frustrating is when it is the same questions from the same people. We need special devices that give prerecorded answers! :)
By the way, love your blog! We were submitted in September and are waiting for our travel date.

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