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Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Okay...I'm starting to freak.

Not in a bad way...
Just in a 'Wow, this is really happening' kinda way.
And it's happening VERY soon.
A little over three days.
Wow.
Do you ever get that way?
You work so hard to do something...and then once it's a reality you start to get a little nervous over it?
I do this EVERY time.
I did it for our wedding.
I did it when we adopted each of the kids.
I do it every year with the expo.
They are all wonderful, blessed events (well, okay...except for the expo) and here I am wigging out.
Just a little.
People keep asking me if I'm getting excited.
Uh....yeeeaaaah.
I'm getting excited...
and nervous...
and worried.
Chris and Virginia wrote the other day about all of the fears that come with international adoption.
One of the first ones to overcome is the 'Should we really do this?' What if they're not healthy? Can we handle it?
Then there's the 'Can we afford this?' We have a hard time saving money for retirement, how can we handle paying for an adoption and then the extra expenses of having another child?
And then there's the fears that go along with the process...the biggest of which is the great 'Homestudy fear."
Now I'm to the 'What if he/she doesn't like us,' phase. I mean after all, our other children were too young to notice or care. They had no idea what was going on. Punky, being the oldest at 21 months, had more of an idea than anyone and believe you me...her reaction wasn't pretty.
I've been having a lot of flashbacks lately.
Especially knowing more than likely this child will be older than Punky...from the sounds of it - way older.
Okay...
I need to stop...
take a step back...
and breath...
Innnnnn....
And ouuuuuut....
Goooood.
Now I need to trust.
God is in control of this whole thing.
If you read back into the archives of my blog you will see instances, time and time again, where you can see God's hand all over this adoption.
He handled the finances at a time when there was no earthly way possible for it to happen.
He found us a homestudy provider at half the price of what the others were charging...
He took care of the USCIS paperwork in record time...
All in order to bring us to this point in time...
He wants us right here...right now.
For His purpose.
Whatever it is.
I think I need to do some reading...
and some praying.
So if you need me, that's where you'll find me for the next several days.
Well...there...and at Wa!-Mart.
After all, I only have...

3 DAYS LEFT!!!

16 salty messages:

E. November 28, 2007 at 2:19 PM  

I think it is totally normal to get nervous over something that you have been preparing for and praying for for so long! I am excited for you (even in the midst of my grumpiness)and can't wait to read about your adventure!
Elaine

Susan & Truman November 28, 2007 at 2:23 PM  

Thank you for your comments on my own blog site. I'm excited for you! Can I ask you something though? Are the younger children in Ukraine rare? Like the 18-36 mos. range?

adopting2fromUkraine November 28, 2007 at 4:45 PM  

Your feelings are totally normal. My husband has had them numerous times in the last few months:0 But, you have done exactly what you need to do. Stop and remind yourself of how God has guided you the whole way through:)

Tina in CT November 28, 2007 at 6:46 PM  

After reading your latest blog, I think your feelings are completely normal.

You have prepared well and your parents will be with your children so you won't have any worries about the homefront.

Try to sleep these last few nights.

How long after you arrive in the Ukraine will you know about your new child - sex, age, etc.?

Debbie November 28, 2007 at 6:47 PM  

Breathing is good, and I think your plan to read the Word and pray is the best. Looking back over how God has led and provided helps too. We'll be praying for you!

Missy November 28, 2007 at 7:00 PM  

Oh my goodness...I can't believe you leave in 3 days! I am going to be glued to my computer all the time for the next month or so, aren't I?? :)

Lisa November 28, 2007 at 7:23 PM  

I could have written this post myself! But now I don't have to, since you did! :-) Same thoughts and feelings over here... on almost the exact same timeline!

Chris and Virginia November 28, 2007 at 8:35 PM  

What a great post. As a2f said, you're right where God wants you.

Pause, breathe and repeat :)

Our prayers are with you.

Tonya November 28, 2007 at 8:42 PM  

heh heh heh.:):):). I can so re-live those pre-adoption jitters even with out your wonderful description of them. Next year at this time, you'll be looking back and remembering all your worries and thanking God for how He brought you through in His time and in His way:). HUG!

Kathy and Matt November 28, 2007 at 9:50 PM  

I agree that your feelings are normal, but because of your faith, you know you can trust God to provide what is best.

I asked some of my friends to share their favorite Bible verses with me, so I could read and meditate on them while in Ukraine.

A couple that I love, related to when we're feeling fearful include:

1 Timothy 1:7
Phil 4:6-8

And one of my favorites related to God's plans:
Jeremiah 29:11-13

You will be in my prayers.

Adrienne November 28, 2007 at 10:40 PM  

3 days?! Wow! I know that feeling of a ball of emotions all going through you at once. It's such a frenzy but all so worth it in the end. As you know, everything will be fine, and it's perfectly normal to be excited and nervous at the same time!!! I am sooo excited for you as you prepare to meet your child! Can't wait to read all about your special little one.

Jenni November 28, 2007 at 11:35 PM  

How exciting! Your feelings are completely normal - it would be odd if you didn't have some nervousness! It is a bit of a chaotic time, but it will all be worth it. Best of luck!

Is Eight Enough? November 29, 2007 at 1:48 AM  

Tami,
I can't believe where the time has gone!! You must be feeling so many emotions right now!! Have an awesome trip and I will be praying that it all works out smoothly for you!!

Nataliya November 29, 2007 at 6:33 AM  

I know, I had the same feelings myself... Don't worry, this is normal! Good luck in Ukraine and don't forget that umbrella - you'll need it!

Christina November 29, 2007 at 1:00 PM  

Hooray, I made it back to your blog before you left! I am SO excited for you. And I know exactly what you mean - I did this total mind shut down/panic thing right before we traveled to adopt. And then there was my worry/sadness about leaving the older two home... that was hard. But once your there and everything's happening, it will be great. And even if your little one doesn't like you much at first, you will both fall in love soon after, I'm sure of it! :-)

Lindy November 29, 2007 at 2:43 PM  

I can't believe you're leaving in THREE DAYS!!! You've done such a great job of organizing everything, and I know you'll be all ready when it's time to go.

It's natural to be nervous - this is a huge, life-changing undertaking - but a wonderful, happy one!

I will be checking your blog OFTEN, so hope you get to write often! I am so excited to follow the developments!!

Wishing you a safe and happy journey to find "Maddie" - and a safe and even happier journey back with her.

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