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she's bi-lingual!

Friday, February 8, 2008

I had a first this week.
My first anonymous negative comment.
I guess I should be thankful, after all it took almost a year.
One reader accused me of having a bad attitude and told me to stop sighing and start enjoying my beautiful, little girl.
Sorry.

I'm working on the attitude.
And you don't have to worry about enjoying Maddie.
That comes easily.
So needless to say, I've been spending the last few days worrying about what to post. It's made me a little gun shy about keeping to the honesty part of the commitment I talked about on Finding Maddie.
But a commitment is a commitment.
So...
Honestly, parenting a post-institutionalized child is not easy.
It's hard work. And anyone who says otherwise is lying through their teeth.
It's worth every second of the heartache, pain and frustration...but it's hard work.
Just as hard as the adoption process itself.
But it's also full of unspeakable joy, laughter and adventure.
Take this afternoon for instance.
Maddie and I went to 'town' to meet Shad for lunch. We made a quick trip to Wally World to pick up some more milk (BTW - When, in the last eight weeks, did that become so darn expensive?!) and some stuff for dinner and then dropped by his office to pick him up.
(Another side note...I LOVE my van! It was wonderous not having to literally run to the market. I drove. And it was glorious! ;)
Today's visit at the clinic went much more smoothly than last time. Shad warned the girls about the Maddie situation and they were so good about it. I'm so glad they were understanding.
Then we went to a local pizza place for lunch. A nice, quiet pizza place.
And we took a booth in the back corner of the restaurant, trying to stay away from as many distractions as possible.
It worked great.
We had a nice, quiet lunch...just the three of us.
Until Shad decided to start the brainwashing.
For those of you who don't know, Shad and I are HUGE K-State fans. We are incredibly proud of our alma mater and have managed to brain wash our other three children into thinking the same.
Shad believes it's never to early to start the mind control process, so he got started...during lunch.
'Maddie, say 'GO CATS,' Shad prompted, pumping his fist.
She stared at him.
'Go on, honey,' he coaxed. 'Say, GO CATS!'
'Go Caa-Caa,' she yelled.
Alright!
Who taught her Spanish?!!

24 salty messages:

Lucky Mom February 9, 2008 at 8:06 AM  

I've been reading about your adventures for several months. I have 3 children from Russia and am in the process of adopting number 4 - so can understand your feelings. Whoever gave you a bad comment probably hasn't experienced IA. Also there is this "made your bed now lie in it" philosophy that I object to. Legitimately sharing the good and the bad doesn't take away from how much you are grateful to have your Maddie in your life. Keep doing it. It'll help more people than you know.

Shelley February 9, 2008 at 9:26 AM  

I laughed when I read about the "brainwashing". I too am a die hard fan of my alma mater and one of my proudest moments was when one of my daughters said her first 2 word phrase.....ROLL TIDE!

Missy February 9, 2008 at 12:34 PM  

I seem to remember a certain someone (who shall remain nameless), telling me to not worry about what someone else said...to follow my heart and do what I felt God was leading me to do. You feel God is leading you to tell the "whole truth" about adoption, and that truth isn't always good. I'm sure you made someone feel better that they aren't the only ones feeling some negative thoughts. :) Also, wondering..did they sign their name or anonymous like mine?

Christina February 9, 2008 at 12:41 PM  

I will never understand people who feel the need to tell someone to stop sighing on their own blog. Hello? It's YOUR blog - you can vent all you want!! And you would not be doing anyone any favors if you sugar coated everything. Our son was in very good foster care in VN, so he didn't have many of the issues that institutionalized kids have, but it was still very hard for all of us to adjust - any adoption has an adjustment period and the adoption of an "older" (non-baby) child is that much harder. And I think you are doing a FABULOUS job with everything - so keep up the good work!!!
P.S. Maddy is a doll - you are one lucky mama!! :-)

Waitingonmyua2 February 9, 2008 at 1:47 PM  

It always amazes me how people are "brave" enough to rebuke you but are too spineless to sign their names to that rebuke.

It's just noise. And it's worthless because it's obviously from someone who needs to belittle someone else to make themselves feel better. Otherwise, it would have been signed and the "correction" would have been written with compassion. Let it go, sweetie.

Keep being honest. We NEED each other!

hugs, Beth

Waitingonmyua2 February 9, 2008 at 1:48 PM  

BTW, you can set your comment moderation to reject annon comments. Only registered users can then comment on the blog.

kitzkazventure February 9, 2008 at 1:56 PM  

Honesty scares people...they want to live in denial. I can't remember if I posted when you were having the stress in-country but when I read it, I felt like I was writing about my experience in Kaz. We were delayed over passport issues and my sweet newly adopted 3 year old was having "issues" and we were having daily breakdowns (that would be my husband and I) ;) I agree with someone else's comments...the person being negative obviously has not adopted Internationally and even if they did, they didn't adopt a toddler. The ups and downs are monumental but as time passes, life gets sweeter and sweeter. We, the adoptive parents, know that but it is cathartic to tell the REAL truth and hopefully keeps others from being in shock when they TOO experience the same thing and will feel the freedom to be honest because those who have gone before have been honest.
You go Girl!
K. Kitzman (mom for almost a year of our Krazy Kazmanian Devil who we love beyond measure!)
http://kitzkazventure.blogspot.com/

Chris and Virginia February 9, 2008 at 2:36 PM  

Hi Tami,
It takes all types to make the world go around. That's fine since everyone is entitled to speak their own mind.

That's why we enjoy reading your adoption blog. We like the openness of your comments which is important to us PAP's. Believe it or not, sharing both your ups and downs helps us prepare for our own journey. We know it's not going to be all wonderful and so this lets us see where we may have issues ourselves and try to prepare for these.

Thank you once again for sharing your honest thoughts despite how difficult that can be.

Tina in CT February 9, 2008 at 4:36 PM  

You should not let that one bad comment shake you up at all. What an ignorant and unfeeling person he/she must be. No one can understand what you and your family have experienced in your quest to find Maddie. I don't care if that person has had IA for 10 children. Unless someone walks in your shoes, they cannot know what YOU have experienced. It would be the same as telling a new mother that had a difficult pregnancy/delivery that it all was a snap. It might be to some and to others that have complications, it is not. I have loved and looked forward to reading your blogs and sharing your ups and downs. You have been so honest and I feel your blogs must be very helpful to prospective adoptive parents and to those in the midst of it. I support your honesty, feelings and emmotions that your blogs are full of.

Glad that your luncheon out with Shad and Maddie went so well.

stefanie February 9, 2008 at 4:52 PM  

Wow! Only one negative commment??? You are doing great!! Keep doing what you're doing and don't worry about the rest!
Enjoy...we do!!
Stefanie

Auntie G February 9, 2008 at 5:00 PM  

I think anyone who has been reading your blogs for a period of time knows how much you love and enjoy Maddie. Hang in there. I love your writing style.
Gail

Tina in CT February 9, 2008 at 5:27 PM  

Time flies. You and Maddie have been home a week already. It seems that we blog readers were all waiting to hear that you were on your way home and then about the homecoming.

Elaine February 9, 2008 at 8:17 PM  

Geeze, I've been reading along for a while now and I never once though you had a bad attitude. This process isn't easy, and you've been honest, and, like Christine said, it's your blog anyway. I have loved reading your blog! And Maddie is just adorable! I appreciate the honesty, because if everyone else in the adoption world was exclusively talking rainbows and roses I'd feel pretty broken and alone with all of my emotions. Thanks to you and other bloggers like you, I don't.

Melody and Doug February 9, 2008 at 9:57 PM  

I have been following your Finding Maddie blog and now this one. I was so excited when you got home safe with your little girl. I haven't posted until today. I just had to jump in and say that if someone has something negative to say about your blog, then first and foremost, they are not a parent or not a on-hands in the same room parent!! Parenthood is not perfect and if we just smile and not say anything then people who have never been around kids before would think something is wrong with them or their kid. Being a parent takes work because it IS hard. If they have something negative to say, then they shouldn't read your blog!!!!

Okay, sorry. I just had to vent that. You have the right to write anything you want on your blog. There are a million and who knows how many blogs they can go read.

Our daughter is adopted too. And we come from a very adopted friendly family with numerous adopted relatives. I just want to say that I love that you have shown us a blog that is not just one sided. People need to know that parenthood, especially to a child that has not known what a normal family life is, is not always perfectly good, but has some difficult times ahead. It doesn't mean that people love their child less, just that we are human.

God bless you and your family.

TylerandBrianne February 9, 2008 at 10:06 PM  

PLEASE do not stop being honest!!!! We are still undecided about adopting and reading your post helps me see the truth. I have enjoyed reading about your journey. I have managed to brain wash my son into yelling roll tide (my husband is a war eagle) but I am still working on my 18 mth old little girl.

Anonymous,  February 10, 2008 at 8:32 AM  

I have not checked your blog for several days so it was fun to read how things are going. Don't stress over the negative comment. I enjoy your honesty. We don't live in Nirvana after all. If you only write about the good stuff, then it would just be all fluff. I like it real. We'll be praying for you. Christie

Drew Michelle and Luke Paras February 10, 2008 at 11:04 AM  

Keep the honesty coming! I look at it as a window into what could be my world in a month or so!!

Please don't ever change the way you blog about your adoption. I need reality!!!

Nataliya February 10, 2008 at 1:09 PM  

Hmm... Why some people can be so mean? Oh well, don't worry about it - your faithful readers like your honesty and understand what does it mean to parent a post-institutionalized kid.

The picture of the girls is priceless!

Christine February 10, 2008 at 1:31 PM  

Tami, I would take the negative comments with a grain of salt. They mean nothing! I personally find them quite amusing because it is from a person who probably doesn't have a real clue. Please keep it real like you have up until now and I promise to follow suit. :)

A Special Family February 10, 2008 at 3:33 PM  

Tami
I am so thrilled to hear that Maddie is home, what a journey you've had. Personally, I only like honest blogs, adoption and fostering is hard work, the blogs that gloss it over, don't set people up to know the truth. So well done you for being honest with people, don't let a negative comment get you down.
The pictures are adorable!
Welcome Home
Kate
p.s. my blog is no longer active (aspecialfamily) just use it to sign in :)

Ashley February 10, 2008 at 9:23 PM  

I am so sorry someone gave you a negative comment. Please don't stop writing the way you always have. I NEED the honesty! It is preparing me that it will not always be roses. You have never even implied that you weren't enjoying Maddie. I actually like it when you sigh..lol It is more real when I am reading it and I can "feel" what you are saying. Your writing is very realistic and that is what we all need.

LOVE ALL THE PICTURES!!!

Anonymous,  February 11, 2008 at 9:11 AM  

I agree with all the other comments here - for goodness' sake, DON'T you dare stop being honest and writing about all sorts of emotions and happenings. That is REAL LIFE! That is what makes your writing so excellent! How good would it be if it was all fluff? Not good at all! You write about REAL life, and others can identify with the ups and downs! They know they're not alone, which is worth so much. Be yourself! Keep writing the way you always have. I, too, love the little "sighs" you put in! Keep on sharing it all. We love it!!! Besides, when you make it into a book, you'll need all those real details! :-)-- Melinda H.

Abella February 11, 2008 at 9:49 AM  

My husband and I adopted 3 children ages 5, 7 and 8 to go along with our 9 and 18 year olds. We have been home for 6 months. Let me tell you this....it is NOT easy to raise a child post institution and I agree with you 100% that if they say it is, then they are full of it. Everyone always told us to keep it postitive and not tell all of the bad things...but that isnt being helpful OR honest, in my opinion. There are days when it just absolutely sucks. But, you adjust, adapt and carry on. We ADORE the children we have...but their "learned orphanage behaviors" have MUCH to be desired. We enjoy the blessings they bring to our lives, even in the bad times. Ignore those who post their comments like that....my husbands favorite saying is "Dont judge a man until you walk a mile in his moccasins"....people really should live by this. I am so happy for you in finding your little Maddie. She is a beauty!

Anonymous,  February 11, 2008 at 11:05 PM  

I think it is OK to turn anon comments off. Really. Even though I use them. I don't have to. I just don't wnat you scared of this stranger who feel in love with your story and loves the updates! :)

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