Tuesday, June 10, 2008
I will never learn.
Why do I keep doing this to myself?
Why do I keep buying Happy Meals?
It's not so much the food that bother me.
It's the toys.
They drive me NUTS!!!!
With our recent vacation and emergency trip to Colorado the mom-mobile is littered with TONS of the little buggars.
My only excuse is it's so easy to order 'four cheeseburger happy meals with a milk.'
See how that rolls off the tongue?
So much smoother than saying....'yes, I would like four cheeseburgers with four small fries and four milks."
Much more concise.
And cheaper to boot.
But there-in lies the trap.
Those darn little toys that come with the meal will get ya every time.
Can I get an AMEN, sista?!
Are they not the most annoying, worthless pieces of plastic you've ever paid $3 for?!
What are they anyway?
Half the time you can't tell what the toy is supposed to do...even with the instructions.
And they're almost always loud enough to start a stampede!
And if the toys aren't loud and obnoxious, the kids are.
Let me set the scene for you...
Imagine five very grumpy people jammed into a white mom-mobile. The mom is driving the kids 500 miles by herself, dodging tornadoes and hailstones the size of small watermelon the entire way. They've just pulled out of the Mikky D's drive-through on their marathon journey through the middle of
They are tired.
They are hungry.
They have been riding for hours on end with no form of entertainment (because the DVD player went kaputz and there's nothing but 1930s country channeling through the radio).
Suddenly...the children discover a toy in the bottom of their happy meal bag.
('Ode to Joy' plays here...)
Everything starts out innocently enough.
'Oh cool, Mom! Look, an Indiana Jones action figure that talks!'
'Oh goodie,' says mom. 'Please keep it down back there.'
'Mom,' yells another. 'Mine has a ball that rolls down a ramp.'
'Great,' she replies.
Slowly but surely the racket insensifies. Action figures fight off bad guys, basketball stars are born and ramps become race cars.
Finally the 10 year old throws the ball at the six year old missing him entirely but bonking Mom on the head.
'Alright,' she says through gritted teeth. 'I said settle down. If I have to talk to you about this one more time I'm taking the toys away!'
Quiet ensues. Everyone nodding their heads in agreement.
'We'll be good mom.'
Ha! Within seconds Indiana Jones launches an aerial assault on Strawberry Shortcake while aliens bang heads on mini-van windows.
'ALRIIIIIIGHT,' Mom screams. 'That's it! Pass 'em forward NOW! And Nick, don't you dare stuff them behind your back. I see you. Give it here! NOW! I'm throwing them out as soon as we get home!'
Unfortunately it's a true story.
The problem is (and don't tell the kids this) I can't bring myself to throw those darn things away.
I did, after all, pay three bucks for 'em.
I can't just toss 'em!