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the verdict is in

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Ach! This stinks!
It's just yucky!
Phooey, phooey, phooey!!!
I'd use more colorful metaphors, but I'm a good Baptist girl. I don't know any. ;>)
Does it sound like I'm doing a lot of whining?
I hope not. That's not my intent.
I'm just trying to be real.
I know several of you are going through the same thing. You've told me I am not alone.
The paradox is amazing, isn't it? We work so hard to become parents, and then those of us who want to stay home to help those kids, to bond with those kids, many times aren't able to because of our decision to adopt.
Yes. We have adopted four times internationally.
And yes, we used credit cards to help us with those adoptions.
I know from my Dave Ramsey indoctrination Shad and I are the only ones responsible for our predicament, but to be honest with you, I don't know how we could or if we would have done anything different.
If we wouldn't have used those cards, we wouldn't have been able to bring these four amazing kids home.
If we would have waited to save up cash for the adoptions, then Alek, Anya, Nick and Maddie would have languished in the orphanages even longer.
Several people contributed to our adoptions (thank you!), we held garage sales, we pinched pennies, we sold stuff - all of the name of building our family.
Unfortunately, it wasn't enough.
So we worked extra jobs...sometimes three jobs a piece.
We tried applying for adoption grants...but they must not have thought we were anything special, because we didn't get a dime.
We did get one low-interest adoption loan...but that one was paid of years ago.
Now, don't get me wrong. All of these are GREAT options. They are making it possible for couples to bring home children all the time.
It's just none of it kept us from getting where we are today.
Stuck in between a rock and a hard place.
For those of you who may be thinking - 'Gut it up! Cut back your budget!' I have five words for you...
HA! Give me a break!
We are still living like college students...hand to mouth - waiting for 'financial aid day' (aka - tax refund time).
'But Shad's a vet...surely he makes a good income.'
Again, HA! He has the same amount of schooling as a physician...but not even a quarter of the starting salary.
'So then why did you have such a big family. If you can't afford it, why'd ya do it?'
Because that's what God wanted us to do! That's what we were called to do. What would you rather we do - sit around ignoring his plan and leave these four great kids to rot in the orphanage system?
I think not.
No. God has a purpose and a plan in all of this. It's just that we can't see it.
Sigh.
So this is where my faith is supposed to kick in.
The problem is...it isn't. Not really.
I'm having a hard time trusting God to provide on the finances. Especially when I'm wanting to ignore the one big option of bringing in more cash - going back to work. I feel a little guilty wanting to shut the one door on the option that makes the most sense.
I've always been more of a 'God helps those who help themselves' kind of gal. Maybe he wants me to go back to work.
But then why would he put the desire to stay home in my heart, only to make it impossible?
Yes. I know he works...miraculously. He's done it for us in the past.
Its just hard to trust...to know...that He'll do it again.
I think it's time to get on my knees. Truth be told, I should have been there all along.
Once again, it's life lesson time.
It's time to teach Tami the meaning of trust.
Yea. I get it.
I just don't like it.

sunflower seeds - the verdict is in

5 salty messages:

Elaine October 3, 2008 at 6:52 AM  

It is a rock and a hard place, but you have been faithful in finding the children that were meant to be in your family, and really putting yourself out there to do it, so I know everything will work out somehow.

teresa October 3, 2008 at 11:38 AM  

Oh Tami, we are so much alike; hey maybe we are related or something. God has used our situation with having nine kids to bring me to a place where I have to trust Him. We live the same way, yes like college students,but oftne financial aid day doesn't come. Usually it is not comfortable. I have come to the conclusion that God doesn't want me to be comfortable; He wants me to trust him for everything. We have put off doctor visits too, and we live on Benadryl this time of year- don't worry. We are trusting for specialized testing and for the money to come for the necessities. It is never easy- never, but it is always good. It's a hard concept Just know I feel your pain and indecision and am praying for you.

Kathy and Matt October 4, 2008 at 11:12 AM  

Tami,
I can relate to your feelings. We're in a similar situation. Both of us are self-employed and for the past several years, our incomes have been enough to cover things, including our adoption. However Matt is in the real estate industry, so the economy is really having a negative impact on his business. My consulting business is going ok, but since I've returned from Ukraine, I've purposely tried to work a bit less to help make the transition easier.

My heart tells me that working from home is still the best for me and our family, but our bank account doesn't always agree as we keep dipping into savings to cover bills, and all those "unexpected" things that seem to crop up like car repairs, a broken ankle, etc.

My only advice - keep praying about how God wants you to proceed. I'm doing the same, and working hard to trust the direction he's leading me.

One thought for you as a free-lance writer. Are there many smaller businesses in your area? If so, could you offer your expertise to write newsletters or other marketing materials for them?
Or, the other area that many small business owners can't keep up with is adding content to their blogs. Perhaps you could ghost write for some.
You're in my prayers!

jessy October 6, 2008 at 12:22 PM  

I've been missing out on this blog! I love them both, but I haven't been clicking over near enough. This blog makes me want to get in my car and take a trip to Wyoming.
I've been where you are. My post is coming...coming...I don't know if it will be helpful or not, because I have been forced in the past (and perhaps again in the future?) to get a job despite being VERY frugal.

jessy October 6, 2008 at 12:43 PM  

Oh, and my other thought...does Wyoming have a subisidized children's health program? In Texas it is called CHIPS. Have you checked to make sure you don't qualify? The monthly premiums are at the most $25 total for the kids and it covers EVERYTHING. With them taken care of, maybe your MSA would be sufficient?

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