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wrapping up and reaching out

Monday, October 6, 2008

I know I said I was going to share less depressing and more happy thoughts around here...but since it IS my diary, I'm going to keep it honest.
I have a confession to make.
Last month when I went back for the expo I decided since it was so close to home, and I still had some things to wrap up, I would go across the river on Wednesday and Thursday nights to our little town.
I stopped by the house, cleaned up a little, painted some more...and moped around A LOT.
Thursday night was the worst. When the painting was done...I cleaned everything up, went downstairs, walked through each room one more time and then promptly collapsed into a puddle of tears.
I didn't want to leave!
I called Shad.
Being the calm, collected, reasonable one - he talked me through the need for this move - all the reasons we discussed a million times - but for once it didn't help.
I don't know why it had me so emotionally spent. I have never been this sentimental. I know I will be happy no matter where God places me - as long as my family is with me. I'll be fine.
So what was different this time?
Could it be I'm finally getting to the point in my life where I want to settle down...for good? Or was it too soon after Maddie's adoption and I was still recovering from my minor bought with PAD.
I don't know.
All I know is I truly missed our house, our church family, our community.
A few days later I was back home, catching up on all my blogging buddies when I came across this post by Christina.
It reached out and smacked me on the back of the head.

A few weeks back, S. suggested that I get Joyce Meyer’s Battlefield of the Mind teenage edition for my daughter K. This move has been hard on K~ and she can get rather stuck in negative thinking. So I got the teen version for K and the original book for myself. I figured K~ would be more open to reading it if I were reading the book too. Turns out God just really wanted me to read the book. It’s basically about how we can lose focus and get distracted and defeated by circumstances or negative thoughts or other deceptions and what we can do to change that - to renew our minds.
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." - Rom 12:2

This “renewing” of my mind is not a new concept to me - I think Romans 12:2 was one of the first verses I ever memorized. But knowing something and doing something are two very different things. And even though I start out many days with the intent to live as one “renewed” it’s all too easy to fall into the same patterns and find myself snapping at the kids, grumbling under my breath and doing all sorts of un-transformed things like that. This summer was especially bad. I know for anyone who is even a semi-regular reader of my blog, that is so NOT a shocker. I’ve been cranky and frustrated and every time I try to turn my attitude around I get slapped down again with one calamity after another. Which must be why God figured one book wasn’t enough.

I signed myself up for the womens Bible study at church, mostly in the hopes of meeting and connecting with people because well, it’s kind of lonely being new in town. I didn’t even really look at what we’d be studying. So there I am Wednesday morning at Bible study, opening my book for the very first time and guess what I read just four pages in?

When Satan wages war against us, the primary battlefield is the mind.”

Yeah, I’m slow, but I’m not that slow. Message received God!

Yeah, me too!
So that's what I've done. I've worked on renewing.
Now, almost four weeks later, I'm much better...not completely healed, that's for sure. But better. I know we won't be going back. I know there's nothing I can do to change it and in the last couple of weeks I've realized all the moping, crying and bad attitude
I moved with me from Kansas, isn't going to make me happy here.
Funny isn't it?
I tell my kids all the time, 'I need to see your better attitude. Go find it.'
I think I've finally found mine!

sunflower seeds - wrapping up and reaching out

7 salty messages:

Tina in CT October 6, 2008 at 5:25 PM  

I think you also had to leave your home, town, friends and church family as that is the home where your family began and grew so there are strong sentimental ties. You also had very good friends and it's hard to leave them all behind. It's also a higher cost of living too. I was shocked to read in your blog that your new state was expensive as I thought the East and West coasts were the worst areas for higher costs of living (I learned something.)

Once you settle in and meet new friends, I bet you'll start being happier. I'm sure the first year will be spent feeling your way, finding your favorite stores, haunts, etc. Having young kids is such a good way to meet people through school and their sports, dance, etc.

Tami October 6, 2008 at 5:37 PM  

Note: The following is my take on the higher costs of living in the West. I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, an expert on real estate prices...
Most of the midwest does have a much cheaper cost of living than the east and west coasts. Unfortunately, about 20 years ago a bunch of people who were sick of living on the West Coast discovered Colorado. They moved to the state and immediately started paying exhorbitant prices (which is what they were used to on the west coast) for the homes - which over-inflated the market. In the meantime, the front range of Colorado became over-populated, causing a housing shortage. The recent housing market decline has self-corrected a lot of those problems, but for some reason it hasn't reached our area. I have been told it's because our city's economy is reliant on education...there's not much of an industry here. So the micro-economy here is much more stable.
Doesn't do us a whole lot of good when we're trying to sell a house in a small town in the midwest to pay for an overpriced house in the west! :)
Thanks for the encouragement. You're right...the kids do have a way of helping you find your way into a new community. I thought Alek's new football career would help, but so far no luck. I think we will have better luck with AWANA.

Elaine October 6, 2008 at 7:08 PM  

I so understand, and if you're anything like me the better attitude will have its weaker days and its stronger days. Moving is hard.

Tina in CT October 6, 2008 at 10:04 PM  

I thought you moved to Wyoming or Montana. Am I out in the fog? Thanks for the lesson on housing in CO. I would imagine that it's being such a vacation destination is also another reason. My daughter's in-laws live in CO and it is just a gorgeous area.

As for the football team... Here are some ideas. Do they provide refreshments at the games? If so, sign up to sell. Do they carpool, have fund raising, etc?

Have the kids wanted to have friends over after school or on the weekend? If so, invite the mom to stay for a cup of tea when she drops off her child.

I am just throwing out ideas.

I met quite a few people when I joined the Civic Women's Club and later the Newcomer's Club in town. One dear friend that I really didn't know came up to me at a meeting and invited me over to lunch. We became very good friends and would still be but sadly I lost her to breast cancer 12 years ago next month.

Tami October 6, 2008 at 10:38 PM  

Sorry for the confusion. Yes, we are in Wyoming...literally a few miles away from the Colorado border. Anything that happens there, unfortunately affects us.

drdavid,  October 7, 2008 at 10:39 AM  

I really needed to read this today. Thanks! I am having a blue day here in Ukraine. Yes there are obstacles but the biggest one is my own mind and my own attitude. Thanks for reminding me to stay focused on the One who can renew me.
Moving is never easy but I am going to be excited to see the blessing come from your willingness to do the "right" thing even when it is hard.

Christina October 8, 2008 at 2:27 PM  

Oh I am SO glad that God could use my need for an attitude adjustment to help you! :-)
Seriously though, I have been going through so many of the same feelings - and when Hubby was back in Washington a couple of weeks ago he went to the house a few times and got really sad about it too. I think it's a natural thing, especially when we feel called by God to move but the motivations for the move are more about other people and less about ourselves - we are grieving a loss, really.
Hopefully we'll both start really settling in to our new homes and find new friends and do things that make these places feel like "home" in the heart-sense.

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