Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I am amazed at the irrational train of thought the post (fury) and the subsequent comments contained. Of course, some topics are more sensitive-----------------------------
for some children than others, but to immediately fly off the handle is not helping anything. Part of being different is learning how to cope with that
difference. -- Becca
That's where it comes from.
Emotions and fear.
You've heard of fight or flight.
This was flight or blog.
A friend of mine recently reminded me of a conversation we had where I told her blogging was my "drug of choice".
I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs.
I eat chocolate...and I blog.
And sometimes when emotions, chocolate, fear and blogging collide, you end up with a pretty honest, gut-checking post.
And that's what 'Fury' was.
The way it was meant to be.
Thankfully, I do have self-control. I would NEVER respond to someone like that face to face. My conversation with Anya's teacher was respectful, engaging and productive. We came to a compromise and an understanding.
But my blog is just that...my blog. And when I write, I lay it all out. Emotions, fear and all. I supposed I could have chosen another title for the blog, which would have toned down the apparent emotions. And I probably could have waited until I calmed down to sit down and type, but it would have just watered down my initial, guttural response to the assignment. And it wouldn't have been honest.
Part of blogging for me is the cathartic exercise of writing. It helps me think things through. As you can tell from the very next post, I was able to come to a more rational place within the next few hours.
No one but my husband and my readers, saw my initial response.
The way I meant it to be.
I admit. I have a tendency to get emotionally charged about issues that I care deeply about. I guess it comes from the temper that I inherited from my father.
I would call it an Irish temper...but we're German.
While I may be emotionally charged inside...I try to keep a pretty even keel on the outside. What you were hearing was the internal battle I was facing.
Another reason I blog is to educate those around me.
Becca...I agree. Part of being different is learning how to cope with being different. We deal with that daily with Maddie. Her ears are not considered 'normal'...they look different...and people notice. Her speech is hard to understand...people make comments. Part of the job God has given Shad and I as parents is to teach our children there is no such thing as normal...and that we are all beautiful in God's eyes. This is how He created us...and we embrace it. We are teaching Maddie and our other three children, how to respond to those who can't look past her 'disability.'
But I don't think my children's adoption story makes them 'different.' That's not what this was all about.
We share their adoption stories with them all of the time. Its a part of our normal, daily conversations. Just the other day on the way home from school (on Anya's birthday) we talked about what the weather must have been like in Russia on the day she was born.
HOWEVER, there is a huge difference between sharing the story within the family and sharing the story with 20 of her peers...and their families. The school district shouldn't be in the business of forcing children to share something so incredibly personal.
AND there are SERIOUS extenuating circumstances in Anya's history that make this assignment difficult. Circumstances I will not go into on this blog, I won't share with her teacher and we won't be discussing with Anya until we feel she is emotionally ready to handle it.
But the assignment, as it was written, would have forced the discussion...unless of course we wanted to lie to our daughter or teach her it is okay to lie - which is unconscionable.
This discussion doesn't even begin to touch the subject of why the unit is being done in the first place. It seems to me her teacher is using the excuse of 'creativity' to delve into some serious social issues that have no place in the educational system. It is the parent's job to teach their children about these kinds of things...within the safe confines of their home, in line with their religious beliefs, in the timing of their choosing.
Just because other parents aren't doing their jobs, doesn't mean I should be stripped of the right to do mine.
Becca, I do want to thank you for signing your name, and for phrasing your comments in a honest, but respectful manner. (At least I am choosing to interpret them that way.) I hope I am returning the favor in this post. But I have to say...I have read and re-read 'Fury' mulling it over to see if I would change anything. And I wouldn't.
I don't think it was irrational.
It was honest.
It was emotional.
And yes, it was raw.
But it was also well thought out and real.
I don't tend to be an irrational person.
Except in my love of chocolate.