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it all comes down to this

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

One year ago...
We woke up this morning excited.
Over the weekend, we decided to visit a little boy in a region eight hours away by train.
We had talked with our pediatrician on Friday and after hours of research we decided we could handle the little guy's epilepsy diagnosis.
But God must have other plans.
Thirty minutes after we called our facilitator with the news, he called back to say a French couple who visited the boy a few weeks ago, rethought their rejection of him and have come back to adopt him.
I'm happy he is getting a new family, but it means we're out of options.
The SDA psychologist recommended we visit a little boy who has a problem with his arm, but she won't let us come back in to review his file. We either take the referral or we wait for a second appointment.
We can't even remember what the little guy looked like, let alone be able to tell you what his diagnosis' were!
So we've chosen a third option.
We're coming home.
To be honest this experience has not been pleasant, and it is taking all the strength I have not to become bitter. But bitterness only corrupts and I won't let this experience to that to me.
Technically, we still have one more appointment available to us. But waiting here during the holiday season will do us no good. According to our facilitator, no new appointments will be given until after January 10th. And while we know going home will move us to the back of the line for a new appointment, we are quickly running out of vacation days and the longer we stay the more it costs.
And not just financially.
It's also tough on our three little ones.
We've only been away a little over two weeks, but so much has happened in that time.
They endured an ice and snow storm which knocked power out in our hometown for the better part of a week. For three days they lived in a cold house with my parents, huddled in front of a fireplace, hoping the electricity would come back on. Mom and Dad finally decided to take the kids and head home. They are all now in Colorado warm, dry and having fun. But the daily phone calls are full of 'when are you coming home Mom,' and 'How much longer, Dad?'
So we're heading home.
Our tickets are for Dec. 23...we're trying to come home sooner, but all the flights are booked.
Imagine that.
We had hoped this trip would lead us to Maddie, instead it was just a really expensive vacation.
And it's wasn't even close to relaxing.
More than likely this is it.
We have missed the opportunity to adopt completely.
I don't know...maybe we mis-translated God's neon sign. Instead of Ukrainian maybe it was written in Russian, Spanish or Telugu.
Or maybe it was written in English and this adoption process has warped our brains too much to be able to tell.
We're coming home.

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