Friday, January 30, 2009
I didn't really WANT to move. I felt like we HAD to move.
It was a matter of family...doing what was best for everyone.
Not really the best of motives if you think about it - doing something begrudgingly. I tried, but never did quite find 'my better attitude' about the move, so I quietly endured.
Fast forward six months and I'm to the point where I'm liking Grab-Your-Lasso. Its a relatively quiet town, even with a ton of college students living nearby. The schools are pretty good - except for that whole liberal thing - but its giving us an opportunity to teach the kids how to stand up for what they believe in.
I have everything I really need at my fingertips. A 24-hour Wally World is just a 5 minute drive away, we have fast food restaurants (which we've never-ever had in any town we've lived in) and there's even a bagel shop - its not a Panera...but it fills my bagel cravings nicely.
We are seeing the grandparents on a pretty regular basis now. Once a month we try to get down to the parents, and they usually return the favor - coming up for the kids programs, sporting events and just to hang out with us.
We've made some pretty good friends. Friends who are at the same point in life...and surprisingly, about our same age. We're all in our late 30s and 40s with kids in elementary. All of our oldest kids are boys, all in the same grade. We all go to the same church. All of our kids like sports, so we end up at the same events. And we get along GREAT!
Its been good.
So, I've grown accustomed to life in Grab-Your-Lasso.
Still...the financial part of life never has come together.
I haven't found a job - haven't even had an interview - after applying to nearly 30 jobs. I'm doing a bit of freelance work, but its not enough to make much of a difference.
The job Shad came here for, and that I followed him for, has been alright - but the owners have reneged on a bunch of the stuff they promised us...and we were naive enough to trust their word.
The health insurance we were promised...that we negotiated that they would provide for the whole family...turned out to be the catastrophic kind. It only kicks in after the first 3,000 of a hospital bill. Not exactly stellar. We have to put aside money for office visits, ER trips and that first 3,000.
The continuing education they agreed to pay for, has turned out to have a ton of strings attached...he can only go to state meetings, regardless of what the topic is (usually clinics will provide a certain amount to cover your expenses...but not limit you on where you actually go.)
The reduced on-call schedule has completely vaporized. He was supposed to be on call only every fifth weekend...and one day a week. He's on call every third...and sometimes on two to three nights a week.
The money is still there - thank goodness, but in another six months he will go on a production (commission) type of pay scale which could be devastating.
Oh! And have I mentioned that they didn't pay for his MALPRACTICE INSURANCE?!!!! Heaven forbid something happens.
So for the past few weeks (actually months) we've been debating...
Should we stay or should we go?
(Anybody else have that song running through their heads?)
We have gone around and around...talking about every conceivable option, ad naseum. We're so sick of talking about it that if one of us brings it up, the other usually leaves the room.
Then this morning I got the news I've been dreading.
We don't qualify for our home loan.
Not because we have horrible credit...
Not because we don't pay our bills on time - somehow we've managed to pay everything on time, even without my salary.
Nope. Its because four international adoptions, four years of veterinary school, no job for me, a house that won't sell in Kansas, and the mortgage crisis all add up to LOAN DENIED.
I feel sick.
Not only are we in jeopardy of having to move...again. We're facing the real possibility of not having a decent place to go.
Oh, we could find a dump of an apartment and stuff all the kids in one bedroom...but who really wants to do that?!
The problem is, Grab-Your-Lasso, Wyoming is an incredibly expensive place to live. REALLY. EXPENSIVE.
We knew this was a possibility and thought we were reasonable with our housing choice. Its a 1960s bi-level. Three bedroom, two bath.
Not exactly a palace.
We thought we were conservative in our housing choice.
We thought we were being responsible.
We got pre-approval from our former mortgage company and blissfully jumped right in to a contract.
Six months before closure...sooner if the house sold.
We were sure in that six months one of two things would happen.
A - I would find a job.
or B - The house in Kansas would sell.
Should be enough time for one of those things to happen, shouldn't it?
But then the mortgage crisis hit...and everyone changed their rules.
In the meantime, our pre-approval expired.
So now, we're stuck.
Our debt to income ratio is too high for us to get approved...I can't get a job to help that situation...the house in Kansas won't sell...and our contract is set to expire in March.
I called our Wyoming real estate agent (who happens to also be long-lost family) and told her the news. She has a call into the owners to find out if they'll have mercy on us and extend the contract until June just in case one of those two miracles happens.
And if not, to find out if A) they would be willing to rent to us and B) how much they would want per month.
I'm not expecting good news. I seriously doubt the owners will continue to rent us this property at the current rate (way below market value)...and anything more is impossible.
When we made this move six months ago, we thought we had God's blessing. He seemed to be opening doors, moving things, paving the way for us to move. So even though I didn't want to, I followed where I thought He was leading.
Now we have NO idea what He wants of us.
It seems as though He's left us high and dry.
I know it's not true. I know He's still taking care of us...
But it FEELS a whole different way.
I guess that's the difference between faith and sight.
One is done by our senses - feelings, sight, intuition.
The other is done by stepping out without a net.
What is it the Bible says?
"Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.'
I'm trying to take that step...honest, I am.
Whether God wants to miraculously move by selling our house...
Or whether He is wanting us to move back to Kansas, I don't know.
I do know He is in control...because I've put Him there. (well, that and because what choice do I really have in the matter?)
But I hope he starts moving quick, because right now things are looking incredibly bleak.
Do we stay, or do we go now?
We just don't know.