Tuesday, February 24, 2009
When we love God, we listen to Him. We care what He has to say. His heart is important to us, much more than our own. We regard Him as higher than ourselves. And life becomes all about Him.
The kind you'd rather forget.
The kind where you're thiiiiiiis close to losing it - and you can't decide if you should laugh hysterically or cry uncontrollably.
Yep. I was there.
I can't really put my finger on what set me off.
Maybe it was the 'discussion' Shad and I had about our yucky health insurance and about how I'm tired of evaluating each of our kids on whether they're sick enough to make it worth our while to take them to the doctor...
Or how crummy it is for an employer to lure us all the way out here to Grab-Your-Lasso with the promise of 'health insurance for the whole family' only to find out their idea of paying for 'insurance' means get it as cheap as you can and not worrying about whether it does the family any good...
It could have been the thought of how it would have saved the employer a WHOLE lot of money if they would just pay us and forget about this crap...
Or possibly the feeling of paddling upstream, without a paddle...or a raft...a life vest...or even a swimming suit...every time I start looking at the bills.
It may be the sick feeling I get about leaving our house in Kansas empty...and every time I think about the four bedrooms, fireplace and huge yard we had there I get weepy...
Or how I really just feel like crawling in a hole with my resume and never coming out again after the job fiasco of last week...
And how if I look at another help wanted listing I'm going to throw up. Literally.
Whatever it was, I was at the point yesterday where I knew if one more thing happened, I would lose it.
And I did.
And in public too.
I headed out yesterday afternoon to gas up the mom-mobile and wash it.
Kill two birds with one stone, ya know?
It was a muddy, yucky mess...as Maddie has been telling me for the last several days...and I was sick of looking at my first-grader's artwork on the driver's side that said, 'wash me' in letters as big as my head.
I wanted it done as quickly as possible, but the kids begged me to wait until they got out of school. They LOVE to go to the car wash.
So being the awesome mom, I am...I did.
As I was gassing up the MMB and talking to my friend, Lynda on the phone about my horrible, no-good, very bad day...it hit.
Instead of getting a receipt with the car wash code on it, I got a nice little message directing me to go inside.
Grumbling under my breath, I headed inside, where I found the clerk chatting with his college buddy completely ignorant to my foul mood.
'I need the receipt,' I mumbled.
'Sure,' he said, waaaaaay too chipperly. 'Oh, you got the car wash. Sorry, its busted.'
That was it.
The last straw.
"What," I asked incredulously. 'It's what?'
'Broken,' he said, looking at me like I had lost my mind.
'Broken. Okaaaaaaay...when will it be fixed?'
'If we're lucky, tomorrow.'
That. Was. It.
"Do you realize this was the only reason I came to your store?! Your gas is 10 cents higher a gallon than I pay at Albertson's! I could have saved a buck across town, but I came all the way over here to get a car wash!!! And you tell me it's not working?!!!"
I huffed, turned on my rubber-soled heel and stomped out of the store...just like my five year old.
Yea...not one of my most stellar moments.
And its no wonder. Just like the mom-mobile, I've been feeling a bit spiritually dirty and empty lately.
A little run down.
Its my own fault. I haven't been spending time in the Word.
And when I let myself get spiritually empty, I end up with days like that.
How can I expect it to be any differently? I'm not getting the spiritual food to create the energy I need to keep going.
Like newborn babies, crave pure spiritual milk, so that by it you may grow up in your salvation, now that you have tasted that the Lord is good. - 1 Peter 2:2-3 (NIV)
I'm just like that spiritual baby...but I haven't been craving spiritual milk, let along tasting it.
In order to have the peace the Bible promises...in order to have the grace He offers, I have to be obediently drinking in the Word.
It is only through that obedience, through Jesus, through my surrendered heart, that I can truly get to KNOW God.
I need to be intimate with Him.
I need to have a close personal relationship, one that is thorough and complete.
I need to have an extensive knowledge of God. Be experienced in His grace and peace. Be connected through getting to know His innermost nature - mind, body and soul.
And how can I do that without having a quiet and personal time to praise him, talk to him and communicate with him.
When we love God, we listen to Him.
We care what He has to say.
His will becomes so much more important than our own.
Life becomes all about Him.
I want that.
How much better it would be to rely on Him than to worry about where the health insurance will come from, or the money to pay the bills? How much more peace will I have if I can hand over my dreams of a fulfilling job to His will for my life?
I want to be just like the people described in Isaiah 58:2 -
For day after day they seek me out; they seem eager to know my ways, as if
they were a nation that does what is right and has not forsaken the commands of its God. They ask me for just decisions and seem eager for God to come near