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how I spent my rockin' friday night - stream of consciousness

Monday, March 2, 2009

You have to keep it pitch-black to roller-skate you know, otherwise you lose the whole green strobe and multi-colored Christmas lights attached to the drop ceiling affect.

I am stuck in tweeny bopper purgatory.
Imaging me sitting in a roller skating snack bar booth with a black leather coat that I can't take off because the door is open and the freezing Wyoming night air is pouring in. I've got a cell phone I can't use because the DJ has decided to torture anyone over the age of 30 who comes in here with ear-splitting rap music. And then there's my book I can't read because its too dark. You have to keep it pitch-black to roller-skate you know, otherwise you lose the whole green strobe and multi-colored Christmas lights attached to the drop ceiling affect.
Its a good thing there's no light, because in my rush to get here, I forgot to put on makeup!
How long do I have to stay here?
Three hours?!!!
Let's make it two and call it good.
I'm enduring this experience because Alek asked if he could go roller skating with his friends, and being the awesome mom I am, I said 'sure' before I had a chance to think.
It seemed harmless enough - Friday night roller skating with a bunch of 5th graders. No problem.
Now I realize he was was plotting his revenge for making him clean his room. And I'm starting to wish I had never made that foolish request.
And just what made me listen to my inside mommy voice who said, 'You'd better stick around?'
Yep. I'm the uncool late 30s mom who is scrunched over her PDA in the orange plastic booth from the 70s, punching up a post for her blog while her son rolls around the oval floor, all the while grabbing the railing because we never take him skating and occasionally taking out a couple of tweens who can't seem to let go of each other's hand.
I'm the only uncool late 30s mom in sight.
In fact I think I am the only adult in here.
No, I'm wrong...a couple of 20-somethings just rolled by. Actually, she may be 16...I don't think that counts.
Awwww, man! Six kids just crammed into the other end of this booth. They're all laughing hysterically over something one of them has on their cell phone.
Tell me I was never this obnoxious.
Here's a question for you. How much rap can you listen to before your head explodes?
Quick somebody takes notes...we may find out tonight.
Call me deaf, but I don't remember our music being this loud.
Okay. That last sentence officially put me in the 'old' column.
Alek, do you see what you're doing to me? You're making me old!
The six kids still haven't moved...and they keep inching closer and closer to me. I think they're trying to push me out 'their' booth.
Sorry pip-squeeks. I'm staying put. I was here first.
Real mature, I know. I don't care.
Oh wait! Some real adults showed up...and they're going to skate! Man, they're brave. They're taking their lives into their own hands. I just saw a kid roller skating and texting at the same time! There was no way he was paying any attention to where he was going. But, to be honest, I am a tad jealous of his multi-tasking abilities. I'd just love to be able to drive and eat chocolate at the same time.
How long have I been here? Only 15 minutes?!!!!
It feels like hoooooouuuuuuurs.
Okay these tweens are driving me nuts. Go away already.
Let me just say...Alek is never coming here by himself.
And at this point I'm not sure he's ever coming back here period. I know I'm not coming making a repeat performance. There's a sheriff's officer in the corner and I think I smell alcohol.
What happened to the days when kids just went to the skating rink to scout for guys, gossip about their friends and the strongest thing we drank was a Mountain Dew...without the ice?
Alek just came by for a grab n go. He tore a piece off his Laffy Taffy and ran.
Well, skated.
'Bump, thump, bump...'
The rap music is seriously testing my ability to endure. Its no wonder the military uses this stuff in interrogations...play 30 minutes of it into a concrete room the size of a small bathroom and I'd crack too.
Heck, maybe 10 minutes.
My feet are numb. Would someone close the door already? Everyone who wants to come here, is here. The rest can turn a doorknob. Honest.
And if they can't, they have no business rollerskating!
I wonder if they have an 80s retro night?
Can you imagine a bunch of 30-somethings skating to 'Ice, Ice Baby?'
Wait! Was that a 90's song?
Alek just whizzed by...he's getting faster. Please pray he doesn't break an arm. Have I mentioned we don't have decent insurance?
Yea. I thought so.
Three boys just walked by in pants I wouldn't think about buying, let along letting my kids walk out of the house in.
Hey! I may as well act as old as I'm sounding.
Ahhhh..finally, its race time! At least they turned the lights on so I can see to text.
The DJ is announcing the races but it eerily familiar. Kind of like Charlie Brown's teacher. 'Bwa wa aaaa waa waaaaaaa waaaaaa aaaaa...' which translated means, 'hey kids, get your tails off the floor with those shoes. Only skates, dufas.'
You could not pay me enough to work here.
I'm desperate...but not that desperate.
At this point, I'm just hoping I still have some hearing left tomorrow...or else the signs we're teaching Maddie will really start coming in handy!

9 salty messages:

MamaPoRuski March 2, 2009 at 2:08 PM  

Thanks for the flashbacks and memories! But mostly, I needed to smile today as I've had a bad one today and am not looking forward to seeing my facilitator in the morning. We are having a "COME TO DEBBIE" meeting...I'd like to say "COME TO JESUS" But I am sure the gospel will not be preached clearly enough for him to get saved...

Anonymous,  March 2, 2009 at 2:17 PM  

As a girl in her late 30's myself, I would so be up for the 80's retro night!
BTW: Ice Ice Baby came out in 1989. My kids love it. Mostly because I play 80's music in the car.

Michelle March 2, 2009 at 3:11 PM  

i'm 22 and i STILL agree with everything you just said.

btw, it was HILARIOUS!!! :-D

anyway, kids these days... i had to grow up fast due to some unusual life experiences, and sometimes when i'm at the movies or at the mall with my family (or VERY mature friends!) i think, "how awful things have become!"

- michelle

Tina in CT March 2, 2009 at 3:50 PM  

Your post was hilarious (but you didn't think the experience was). I'd have gone nuts as I can't stand rap music for 5 minutes. You're a good mom and a smart one to have stayed while Alex was there. Just think of the brownie points you are earning when you're old and feeble and need Alex's help for something.

You need to let us know how long you had to endure the rap music and being there. How long did you have to share your orange plastic booth?

Maybe next time Shad can go to caperone.

I love your posts.

Stephanie March 2, 2009 at 3:55 PM  

Hilarious post!

BTW you have an award waiting for you over on my site :)

Leslie March 2, 2009 at 6:40 PM  

ROTFL!!! Thanks, Tami! I seriously needed that!

Sheryl March 2, 2009 at 7:37 PM  

okay! When are you gonna get started on your best seller? I can see it now at Barnes and Noble. You are such an entertainer!

Bethany March 3, 2009 at 12:45 AM  

Oh, what a night! Thankfully, I have a few more years yet. A.J. is only in 2nd grade. Have your ears recovered? Or your feet? I'm sorry you didn't enjoy your evening as much as you might have liked, but the rest of us thought it was just great! Your commentary, anyway. :D

kate March 3, 2009 at 11:50 AM  

So you found a job you DON'T want. That's progress, right? ;>

It could be fun if your church (or other group) rented it out for a night and took over the music and the...attitude. But, Tami, the lights HAVE to be off.

(OOoooo...this would be a GREAT fundraising idea!)

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