Tuesday, April 7, 2009
For some reason I can't get enough ski jumping, marble rolling and tight-rope walking...all cleverly disguised tormenting EXERCISES!
A tormentor has moved into my basement.
As small as a notebook, the little thing comes with a BIG attitude.
Its my new Wii Fit.
I hate that thing.
Well, I hate it...and I love it - its a complicated relationship.
It has a really nasty, know-it-all, holier-than-thou attitude. I mean...it called me 'obese' yesterday. Now, don't me wrong, I know I'm overweight...but comon' OBESE? I thought that term was reserved for people who have to be cut out of their house.
I'm not THAT big. I'm barely in the plus sizes.
And what it did to my mini-mii is unconscionable...oh, the horrors.
I spent 30 minutes making the perfect little version of myself.
It had dark brown hair...just like me.
Hazelly-brown eyes...just like mine.
And was a size 7..just like I imagine myself to be.
Unfortunately, I made the mistake of letting the monster weigh the real me...and after it had the nerve to declare me obese, it ballooned my little mii to the size of Shamu's mother!
I would declare it evil and take it all back, but the thing is...I'm addicted.
One day into our relationship and I am fascinated by the graphics, mesmerized by the music and taken in by the promise of weight lost.
And I don't get addicted...EVER.
Well, except for chocolate.
And skim milk...
Okay...let's just say I don't get addicted to video games. Over the years I have successfully fended off addictions to Pac Man, Donkey Kong, Mario and Guitar Hero...
But for some reason I can't get enough ski jumping, marble rolling and tight-rope walking...all cleverly disguised tormenting EXERCISES!
I. DON'T. EXERCISE.
I haven't since high school.
Playing all that volleyball, basketball, baseball and track ruined me for life.
Nothing squelches your desire to exercise like running lines until you puke.
Which brings me back to my point.
Why is it, that I'm perfectly willing to play these games to the point of being so stiff and sore I can barely move?
Its sick, I tell you.
So, sick I'm going to give it up.
Take it back.
Use that money to buy something much more useful for this family.
Right after I lose about 50 pounds and conquer the downhill slolam!