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stream of consciousness

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

I finally realized the posts aren't going to write themselves and I'm never going to have the time to write about any of this stuff.

I just wrote a whole blog about my new job...and I promptly hit the delete button.
I'm tired of complaining about it. Its not doing me any good...and it certainly isn't entertaining you. Its time to move on.
And move on, I shall.
Besides, I've got all kinds of other stuff to tell you. I've kept a list on a little yellow sticky note in my brain and I finally realized the posts aren't going to write themselves and I'm never going to have the time to write about any of this stuff. I just need to buckle down, start typing, get this stuff out there and get it off my 'to do' list.
So here we go...


Since Alek didn't get a chance to play a full season of baseball this year, I promised him he could sign up for Fall ball. Nick heard that promise and asked if he could do it to.
So yesterday Alek and I (Nick had to go to bed early - a whole other story) headed over to (hmmm...what nickname should I give this town? If someone comes up with a great idea, let me know. It's in Missouri, enough said.) a town east of here and signed them both up.
So I have a fall full of baseball to look forward to...which isn't as bad as it sounds. We like baseball here in the C_______ household. And I certainly like it better in cooler weather than warm. Its also better than having Alek get beat up by big guys on the football field. Although he's already said he's wants to play Jr. High football. I'm holding nightly prayer vigils already in preparation. ;>)
Tryouts for the new teams are on Saturday - which is Nick's birthday. They say the tryouts really aren't so much tryouts as they are evaluation sessions so they can make the teams all even.
Sounds good to me...but the boys think this is the most awesome thing ever.
Cute pictures to follow of my boys in their uniforms.


Since I've promised the boys baseball, I couldn't leave the girls out. Anya has been talking about gymnastics for the last three years...begging me to sign her up. But I've been hesitant..honestly, the price is a HUGE roadblock. I don't know how other families do it!
But the time has come. If the boys are playing baseball this fall, it certainly isn't fair that she and Maddie don't get to do something too.
Of course we're not doing it at the same time...I'm not THAT stupid.
We'll wait until baseball season is over...and then the girls will get their turn.


Of course that was BEFORE I got the notice in the mail today that our house payment is going up in a few months because our taxes and homeowners insurance has gone up. AUGH! Will it never end?! The payment has gone up every year that we've owned this house.
Does anyone else have this same problem?
We DON'T have an ARM. We made sure that our interest rate was NOT adjustable when we took this loan...but we're STILL having issues with rising housing payments.


Can you believe that we celebrated our 10th Family Day last Sunday?
What's even more amazing is that I didn't blog about it!!!
I had these big plans to do a huge video...showing you Alek (since he's the one we brought home ten years ago) then and now...complete with a sappy song and tons of cute pics.
You can go ahead and send your letters of complaint to my boss. ;>)
The job has once again claimed another of my best intentions.
I'll keep working on it. Who knows...maybe I can get it out in the next few weeks, but don't hold your breath. I still have Maddie's one year anniversary video sitting on this laptop and I have yet to find a way to get it uploaded to blogger.


I am still in the planning stages of the private part of this blog. Again...most of the posts will be here on Sunflower Seeds...the private posts will be on a mirror site.
I just didn't want any of you worrying that you were missing out on anything. I just haven't had the time to play with my kids in the last four weeks, let alone set up a new blog! :)


Things are getting better by the day on the job front...and I'm sure its just a matter of time before I'm feeling more like my old self.
The day is coming...I can feel it. I think my work-based writing is getting stronger. It certainly is getting faster.
Now I just need to be able to continue my creativity for my own writing. And get my joy of writing back.

In the meantime, please hang with me.


calling all school supply shopping moms

Monday, July 27, 2009

I need your help. I'm working on a story about school supply shopping and I need to know what the hot stuff is right now. I'm totally lost in the 80s and my kids aren't really that into anything right now.
Anyone know what the equivalent of the Bic 4 Color Pen and Trapper Keepers are today?
Anything else I should be looking into?
Any help you all can give me would be fantastic. I'm swimming upstream at work today, without a paddle...and possibly without my swimming suit. The story is due tomorrow morning and all I've had time to do today so far is get pictures taken and surfed the web for ideas for questions.


all done

Friday, July 24, 2009

So there you have it...the story of the project that just wouldn't die.

I survived.
The big, massive, do-it-yourself project I've been working on since I went back to work is finally over.
O. - V. - E. - R. Over.
Thank goodness!
I'm not going to lie to you. It was good to see my kids tonight. I don't think I've seen them in four days. Well, okay. I saw them for about 30 minutes each morning...but that was it! I've put in 12 hours days every day this week working on that project for the advertising department. You know...the one that I signed up for BEFORE I accepted the job at the paper.
I finally sent the pages to the plant today. After many headaches, near swearing on my part and about 24 hours worth of delays.
Hmmm....should I share the details with you? Okay, okay...no need to twist my arm. I know I've been awful quiet on here lately. I'll post it, if for no other reason for the blog post count or maybe a couple words of sympathy.
Hmmm...where to begin.
As I said before, I worked 12 hours days Monday through Thursday this week...putting in all kinds of time trying to get this thing done. In fact I put in at least two of those kinds of days last week as well. All the while trying to keep up with my regular writing schedule at work...and I'm proud to say, I did it. I made all my deadlines - minus one by a few minutes because my boss came into work about two hours earlier than usual! :)
Finally, Thursday came, the day I was supposed to send it to the plant to get printed. Even after all that work I still had three stories left to write for it and several pages left to lay out. And somehow I managed to get it all done. (Actually, 'somehow' is a bit misleading - a friend and co-worker came and offered me quite a bit of help. Also, in the interest of transparency, it wasn't like the stories were Pulitzer prize winning full-length articles. They were relatively short (unlike this post) and since they were about home-improvement types of things, I was able to write a bit of it beforehand..I just needed to do the interviews and tweak.
By that afternoon it was ready to go.
I started sending pages...but as I was releasing them from the computer I noticed something called the 'folio' (its the line that has the date and name of the publication) was floating in the middle of all of the even pages.
Since this was a 32 page publication, that meant it was floating in the middle of 16 of those pages. AUGH! So I quickly canceled all the even pages, let the odd ones go through and tried to figure out what as going on.
Two hours later I gave up...deleted the automated folio and put them all in by hand. Needless to say, it took awhile.
Meanwhile I was late for an interview. I was covering an event that started at 6 p.m. and ended around 7:30 p.m....it was 7:10. I left the pages, rushed out, did the interviews, took some pictures, came back to the office and released the rest of the pages, relieved that it was gone.
At least, that's what I thought.
I came in this morning to a message from the plant. They can't print the publication, they say. The page count has to be in increments of eight.
There's 32 pages, I say. It's divisible by eight...it's fine.
Oh, no. They say...there's 32 pages alright, but four of them were done on a different press...we have to have 32 pages on THIS press or we can't run it!
Meanwhile I'm late for a photo shoot...which is another story in and of itself, but let's just say my kids are going to be in the paper and I'm going to be writing a first-person account of school supply shopping. Today was picture taking day. The kids were at the office with me, not-so patiently waiting to head to Wally World.
So I track down the people who can help me, delegate jobs to them (regardless of whether they like it or not), head out to Wally World where I plaster a smile on my face while my kids con talk me to buying all kinds of school supplies that they don't really need, but I can't really say no right now because the story is about - well, I'm not really sure what the story is about, but its about something and I have to write it!
We finally get out of there and THANK GOODNESS I still have money in my checking account and we head back to the paper and I say 'we' because it was 'we'. Alek and Anya were still with me.
It looked like everyone had accomplished their jobs while I was gone so I once again started sending pages. I walked out the door to take Alek and Anya home, without looking back.
When I got back I realized that nothing had gone through. Nothing. Turns out something was corrupt in the four pages we added. The bad file gummed up the entire system. No one in the newsroom was able to print files or send anything to the plant - all because of little old me.
It took five hours, several rebootings of the system, the help of a really generous co-worker and several trips to the candy machine to finally get the whole thing figured out.
But it's gone.
So there you have it...the story of the project that just wouldn't die.
Thankfully, its gone, so I SHOULD be back to regular programming starting today.
Well, tomorrow...or maybe the next day, but definitely soon.
Soon, very soon.


mixed results

Monday, July 20, 2009

I had never met any of these people before. What was I thinking handing my daughter over to them for four hours a day for the next two weeks?

Maddie woke up this morning, just as excited as when she went to bed.
The girl was up at the crack of dawn, got dressed, ate breakfast and brushed her teeth all before 7 a.m.
She. Was. Excited.
I, on the other hand, was having second thoughts.
I had never met any of these people before. What was I thinking handing my daughter over to them for four hours a day for the next two weeks?
For some background...Kansas, like every other state in the nation (except Wyoming) is going through some pretty serious financial stuff. As a result, they've made HUGE cuts in education and the districts are having to make some pretty deep cuts. One of those cuts was supposed to be summer school, but thankfully all of the districts in our county decided to pool their resources so they could have summer school after all. One of the districts is hosting it...the rest of them are sending their kids.
Sounds like a pretty good solution, the only problem from my perspective is I don't know these people and they certainly don't know Maddie.
So I rectified that today.
The bus came to pick up Maddie...
I got in the van and drove to the school. I just HAD to meet the teacher and give her some background.
I'm so glad I did.
Can you believe, she didn't even know Maddie's name? She just knew she had a hearing impaired kid coming in. Didn't know the sex, didn't know the name...had no idea about her background and the fact that Maddie had only been speaking English for the last 15 months!
I spent the next 20 minutes explaining...everything.
About the fact that for the first four years of her life she heard next to nothing...
That we changed her native language 15 months ago...
That she's still learning to listen to sounds around here, which can lead to safety issues... That her language skills are stills severely lacking and is therefore affecting her academic skills...
I explained how the hearing aid worked...
I went over her personality, academic and physical strengths...
I covered the post-institutionalized stuff that I felt would affect her...
And so much more.
I think they got it. Well, as much as you can get when a crazy, over-protective mom shows up unannounced at your classroom door on the morning you're supposed to start teaching a bunch of kids with special needs whom you've never met before.
Yea. I'm sure she got it.
She seemed receptive. Her aides were attentive. They asked appropriate questions.
I was feeling pretty good about things...until I got home tonight.
I had to work late, so Shad was the one who handled the kids tonight. He thinks school went well, at least we didn't get any calls (not that I really expected any)...and it sounds like problems were minimal with the babysitter today...
But at Vacation Bible School, Maddie was as bad as he's seen her in a very long time.

Maybe ever.
At first she didn't want to go to VBS which isn't a big deal...we're thrilled she isn't throwing herself at complete strangers anymore.
But then her teacher started to pay attention to her, and picked her up, and carried her around, and...and...AND!!
Shad says by the time he went to pick her up afterwards the teacher was still holding her, she was talking babytalk, it sounds like she went wild during game time and was calling the woman, 'Mama'.
I know, I know...baby steps...two steps forward, one back...and all of that, but STILL!!!!
Tomorrow I will be calling the teacher, just to make sure all is well...
And I will be taking the kids to VBS and having a little talk with the teacher...and if things don't get better on Tuesday, Maddie won't be going back. I hate that. I want her to be able to go, but I can't risk another day like today.

While I'm sure today was just too much new stuff for her and she was overwhelmed, a big part of me is incredibly frustrated and discouraged. All that hard work I put in with her for the last 10 months seemed to have flown right out the window in just 24 hours.



back to school...sorta

Sunday, July 19, 2009

She immediately went to her closet, dug out her backpack, found her school shoes, put them on and went to the door.

Maddie heads off to summer school tomorrow and to say she's excited is a drastic understatement.
When we told her this afternoon about school, she immediately went to her closet, dug out her backpack, found her school shoes, put them on and went to the door.
She. Was. Ready.
It took a bit of smooth talking to convince her she needed to wait until tomorrow morning.
I wish I had her enthusiasm.
I'm glad she's going to be getting this little bit of help this summer, but quite frankly the ground she has lost will take a lot more than a couple of hours every day for a week to regain.
The blame lies squarely on our shoulders. With the move and all the chaos that's followed, we haven't so much as picked up a book for the last six weeks. Finally I asked Anya to sit down with Maddie on Friday and work with her on writing her name. We've got to do something for the poor kid.
Of course the area she's lost most ground on is her speech. Her language is still growing...but the speech patterns are slipping...a LOT. We were going to see about getting a speech pathologist to work with her this summer, but our health insurance doesn't go into effect for a couple more weeks. And we certainly can't afford to pay for it out of pocket.
I hope we can double up this fall between the insurance and the school, although it will be a little tricky to coordinate their services to make sure they compliment each other.
So Maddie head's off to school tomorrow...as temporary as it may be.
I'd let you know how it goes, but I honestly don't know who to call and check with. She's getting bussed to a different school in a different town for this little experiment. I have no idea who will be her teacher, where exactly she'll be and what they'll be working on. (because Mr. Not-so-friendly couldn't tell me a few weeks ago...and hasn't exactly been going out of his way to help us.)
I hope this isn't a sign of things to come.


is it just us?

Friday, July 17, 2009

They were going down a steep hill...and well, you can imagine what happened.

Anyone else having a week like this?
Has anyone else's kids spent the last seven days getting hurt left and right? Or is it just me?!
Maddie was hurt AGAIN today. And this time it wasn't just a rug burn. Alek was pulling her and Nick in the wagon today on their walk around town with the babysitter. They were going down a steep hill...and well, you can imagine what happened. Alek lost control...the two kids went flying.
The end result was Nick and Maddie with various scrapes and road rash burns...and Maddie with a gash in her scalp.
And then when I got home and was taking a look at it, I realized she also had a nasty-looking bruise the size of an egg on her chin.
"Oh, yea," Alek said. "That was when she bumped heads with me yesterday."
Oh. My. Word. I swear, if I take this child to the doctor they're going to think we're torturing her. She has (and I kid you not)...

  • Two rug burns on her stomach the size of small books (from her stair sliding episode yesterday).
  • A gash in scalp about 1/4 inch long...too small to stitch, in the scalp so I can't really have it glued...and can't even stick a band-aid on it. *sigh*
  • Quarter sized 'owies' on each knee.
  • A small cut on her foot from something...can't figure out what.
  • Bruise size of egg on chin...
  • Scrape on her back from the swimming pool...
  • A spot on her arm that I'm guessing is a mosquito bite gone bad...
  • Bruises up and down each shin.
ALL from this week!
I give up.


the day Maddie made the police blotter

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

The policeman said we shouldn't call him anymore.

Every evening when I get home, I am immediately accosted at the door with my kids version of the 6 p.m. news.
'Mom...we got to go to the park today and we slid down the slides. (Like I've never taken them before.)
'The dog puked on the floor...and I had to clean it up.'
'Mom, Sammy came by and we went bike riding, then we played baseball, then we ate popcicles, then we jumped on his trampoline, then we caught grasshoppers, then we...." You get the idea.
But today, I think my kids out-did themselves.
I had no sooner walked in the door when I was greeted by a crying Maddie and 'the informant' - also known as Anya.
'I talked to a police man today, Mom.'
'Oh, that's nice honey,' I said absentmindedly, trying to figure out why Maddie was crying. "Was he nice?"
"Mmmm-Hmmmm," she said. "But he said we shouldn't call him anymore."
"What?!" I choked out...now she had my full attention.
"Maddie called him. She dialed 9-1-1."
O.M.W. In the almost 10 years that I've been a parent, I have NEVER had a child so much as pick up the phone to dial ANY. ONE. Let alone 9-1-1!!!!!


I think my kids are going to scare off the babysitter. She is a temp...and she's had a few harrowing days this week. The regular girl is on vacation...something about floating down the Missouri River with her family.

I think that's where I'd rather be right now.
By the way - it turns out Maddie was crying because she decided it would be fun to slide down the stairs on her tummy and ended up with a couple of rather large rug burns on her stomach.
After the phone fiasco I have to admit, it took all I had in me to be compassionate. Something about natural consequences kept floating through my mind.
Am I going to survive this child's childhood?!
And I thought Nick was a challenge!


a simple case of the understated

Monday, July 13, 2009

I can't even begin to tell you how many projects I have going on at work right now...because I've lost track.

Did I say I was busy?
Silly me.
What I meant was swamped, buried, plate's full, overloaded, snowed under (oh, how I wish it really was snow), up to my eyeballs...OVER. WHELMED.
I can't even begin to tell you how many projects I have going on at work right now. No, really - can't even begin. Because....I'VE. LOST. TRACK!
Seriously, people. I can't keep track of it all. I know I have a story due tomorrow at 4 p.m., which of course I haven't started writing because today I did the interviews and then I put in an extra five hours on a big (36 pg) design project that is due Thursday, which of course I don't have all the articles for because my freelancers aren't holding up their end of the bargain.
But before I can start writing that story tomorrow, I have to compile a report for the women's expo, which I'm coordinating again (LOVE IT!) but again, something I haven't started.
Then I have to fit my stellar article writing in between no less than three meetings in the afternoon.
Once I finish that story - like, THAT is going to happen, I get to decide whether I should put in a few more hours on the big design project which...have I mentioned?..is due THURSDAY, or start interviewing for my next story which is due first thing on FRIDAY morning.
And that doesn't even bring up the 30-trillion stories which are due before the end of the month, because we're launching a new family magazine, which I'm totally stoked about...and I am the feature reporter on...but it means a TON more writing!
The good news is I'm realizing I can write a lot faster than I thought.
The bad news is I haven't seen my children in about 24 hours...haven't eaten a real meal in 48 and have no idea what I'm going to wear to work tomorrow because I haven't done any laundry in something like 72...actually its more like 168!
I keep thinking it will settle down...and honestly, it probably will. But right now I've decided to wallow in my self-doubt and have myself a great-BIG woe is me, I'm so overwhelmed, pity party.
And you KNOW I am an awesome party planner! ;>)


mirror, mirror on the wall

Friday, July 10, 2009

my job is seriously interrupting my blogging mojo

Let me just start by saying...
Yes, I'm still alive...
No, I haven't fallen off the face of the earth...
Yes, I'm still living in the Emerald City...
No, I haven't caught up with my mountain of laundry...
Yes, my job is SERIOUSLY interrupting my blogging mojo...
...and No! I don't have plans to quit the paper any time soon! The insurance is too good. :)
I'm trying guys, honest. Every day I sit at my desk, writing my heart out, coming up with ideas for new articles on the Lifestyles page of my newspaper. Tracking down sources and writing paragraph after paragraph.
Then after nine hours of wracking my brain for writing material, I make the 25 minute drive home, all the time wondering what in the world I going to blog about.
You know what?
It's hard to write a family blog, when you don't see your family!
The next three hours are spent making dinner, feeding the kids, hanging out in the living room and getting them tucked into bed.
By the time 9 o'clock rolls around any blogging material I've picked up in the last three hours has evaporated into thin air due to sheer exhaustion!
I do have a queue of story ideas floating around in my mind, bumping into the walls of my mind because all the rest of my gray matter has been used up at work!
I'm hoping to start kicking things into high gear again soon. Even if I have to join another Nablopomo contest. I have to tell you about a missionary friend's visit last Sunday. Then there's the waaaaay overdue Maddie progress report...and I've GOT to tell you about my brother's close encounter with the rich and INCREDIBLY famous. ;)
But first...some unfinished business...
Every once in awhile I wish I had a crystal ball, a fairy godmother or a magic mirror that would give me all the answers I seek.
Thankfully, I have a Heavenly Father who is there to listen and offer guidance, but on some matters He remains madeningly silent.
This is one of those times.
I know it sounds a tad melodramatic, but I really have been doing some soul searching over this whole private versus public blog thing.
I LOVE blogging. Love it. It has been a wonderful cathartic experience for me both during and after Maddie's adoption. But the openness has become both a blessing and a curse. So many people we've known in real life have been touched by Maddie and her open, unquenchable spirit. They have embraced her and opened their hearts and minds to adoption.
But it has also meant her struggles have been out there for everyone to see...including people who know her in real life. And I've been struggling for awhile about the fairness of that.
Mostly because of Maddie's communication struggles, she has had absolutely no say in having her story out here for everyone to read. I have tried to be careful in not sharing too much of her history - in order to protect her privacy.
And I think I've succeeded.
But the truth remains that so many of the people she comes into contact with each day know much more about her...than she does about them. Its the curse of living in a small town. For all the blessings that the Emerald City offers, privacy isn't one of them. ;)
And then there's the struggle with the reality that this blog offers a bridge between pre-adoptive parents and those of us who have walked that road before them.
I've had three emails from PAPs this week, looking for more information about Ukraine, the process and what we've faced since bringing Maddie home.
That tells me this blog is still resonating with PAPs. That there is still a purpose to it, besides just journaling our life's story.
I remember all of the struggles and questions we went through before each one of our adoptions. I read everything I could get my hands on. EVERY. THING. I want to be that source to PAPS.
So, I've made a decision.
I'm going to keep this blog open, because I think its important for prospective adoptive parents to have a look inside a post-adoption family. But I want to keep the option open to protect Alek, Anya, Nick and Maddie's privacy.
I'm going to make a mirror site over at WordPress.
I think it will work the best for allowing me to password protect some posts...just the ones I think are important for PAPs, or that I need adoptive parent feedback on...but that our real life acquaintances don't need to read about.
The site, will just be just that, a mirror. Sunflower Seeds will remain the primary site and will continue to be the source for the majority of my posts.
Word Press will only host the private posts.
Now before you all go pushing the comment button asking me for the password, let me post my rules. The Wordpress blog will obviously be password protected...and only a certain number of people will be invited.
I will only be allowing...

1. People I don't know IRL...
2. People who I know IRL, but do not live near us and therefore have limited day to day experience with my kids...this includes all of our friends from Wyoming, Iowa, Illinois and other points across the country. Many of them dear, dear friends and prayer warriors. Everyone needs a prayer warrior! :)
3. International adoptive parents or prospective adoptive parents.

I want to apologize right now to my Emerald City friends...so many of you are dear to me. Your support during Maddie's adoption was priceless and I wouldn't trade our friendship for anything, but I think its necessary to give my children back a little bit of their privacy.
Besides...chances are, some of you will be hearing about the private blog stories in person.
My only other options would be to make this blog completely private or to shut Sunflower Seeds down altogether.
And I'm hoping sure none of us wants THAT!
I hope this option works.
And I hope you understand.


i spoke too soon

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Just so you know....I spoke too soon.
The neighbors are back (tonight - Sunday)...armed to the teeth with beer and fireworks.
Its going to be a long night.


pop goes the fourth

Saturday, July 4, 2009

If there's one thing Emerald Citians love, its fireworks.

It was a lovely day full of stars and stripes, hot dogs and brats, parades and fireworks.
If there's one thing Emerald Citians love, its fireworks.
Like no place on earth...except for maybe Ukraine.
Suuuuure...all towns have their pyromaniacs...but Emerald Citians take it to a whole other level.
Its midnight...and its STILL booming outside...and the town fireworks show ended an HOUR ago!
This is the one time of the year I almost envy Maddie her hearing impairment. She is blissfully sawing logs, while the rest of us are sitting laying on our beds, trying desperately to block out the bang, bang, bang of our neighbors celebrating.
Actually its more than just a bang here and there. One particular firework shook the house not too long ago. I'm kind of concerned that someone may have gotten hurt...but I don't hear any sirens, so I guess the fools are okay.
Thankfully, the REALLY bad offenders, aren't at home this weekend. We have a couple of sets of neighbors who go all out on the Fourth. In years past, Shad has seen them at the neighborhood fireworks stand buying whole cartfuls of fireworks. Tonight their homes are dark...and so far there's no sign that they're anywhere around.
That's a relief because SERIOUSLY...they are RIGHT across the street on BOTH sides. Its like Pop Goes the Fourth in stereo...without the orchestra.
Oh, but we did have music tonight!
The kids and I were standing out in the middle of our street watching the city's fireworks display - because our town is small enough that we can do that. (We didn't get to go to the fairgrounds for a closer look because Nick decided to get snarky this afternoon so he went to bed for the night at 5 p.m.) And in between booms we could hear the wonderful sound of the street dance. We only live a couple of blocks away from downtown Emerald City where they have the street dance and beer garden...but somehow in the six years we've been here, I've missed the concert.
Not this year.
In fact, I have the windows open and I can STILL hear the music.
Good thing the fireworks are keeping me awake. I'd be missing out on this band's very creative version of 'All My Ex's Live in Texas.' I know you ALL are incredibly jealous and wish you could be here to hear this great concert yourself.
I guess I'll just have enjoy it myself...maybe you could join me next year. ;>)


one week down...

Friday, July 3, 2009

I managed to stumble my way through the week without losing my mind.

Well...I survived. That's saying something, isn't it?
I managed to stumble my way through the week without losing my mind.
Sometimes its the small victories.
I have to admit I was a tad bit overwhelmed this week. Okay, 'overwhelmed' may be a bit strong - more like stressed. Actually, it wasn't so much the job that bothered me...it was the fact that I wasn't with the kids. After all, I had been with them 24/7 for the last 10 months...my DREAM job!
And then there was the whole tired factor and the 'My writing ability has completely abandoned me' doubts. After all - it HAS been almost a year since I worked full time.
Isn't it always like that? When you first start a new job you're just a tad overwhelmed with the new job, responsibilities, self-doubts and trying to navigate your way through the new faces, bureaucracy and seeming chaos.
Its weird. I worked in this place for five years...I know all the players, but the politics are completely different.
And its going to take me awhile to catch up.
I'll figure it out.
In the meantime, I'm considering making a change on here.
One of the things I don't like about Blogger is the fact that I can't make posts password protected. I don't want to make the WHOLE blog private...just a post every now and then.
Wordpress offers that option.
So here's my dilemma...
Do I make a mirror site on WordPress where I can password protect some posts?
Or do I just up and move the whole thing to WordPress?
Here's my reasoning...
Since we moved back to the Emerald City, I've been squeamish about posting. I have caught myself several times considering if I really want to blog that day knowing I may hear about it later at a ball game or the grocery store.
Its one thing to post about it when we're half-way across the country...completely different when we've moved back into our old neighborhood.
Most of my readers are people I know and love...they're people I would tell these stories to anyway. But there may be a few people out there, who I know, but don't know that well. They undoubtedly know our kids and I'm not sure I want the kids stuff out there for everyone to read. Especially the tough stuff.
Ya know what I mean?
And then there's the whole work-related stuff. I'm sorry, but sometimes I need to vent. No job is perfect and as much as I loved my old position and as much as I'm sure I'll enjoy the new one...there ARE times when you just need to let out frustrations.
And I don't want any of it to come back to haunt me.
What I really don't want to do is to move this whole blog...AGAIN. Besides...I can't even begin to fake that I understand anything about WordPress. But surely I could pull it off with tutoring from my WordPress friends.
So, here's the question...
Should I move the whole thing...
Or should I provide a link over here for those lucky few many who would know the secret handshake to get in.
The floor is open.
Feel free to give me your two cents...but make sure you have exact change. I haven't gotten my first paycheck yet! :)


joy of adoption

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