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an explanation

Monday, October 19, 2009

Sometimes life just creeps up behind you and kicks you in the tail, ya know? And the last few days have been a virtual kick in the pants - and not the good kind.

I'm sorry...this post is really long. I guess that's what you get for letting me spend the last week working this situation over in my mind six-ways to Sunday. I do want to thank you all for last week's virtual hugs. I needed them.
I still don't feel like I've fully wrapped my mind around what's been happening during the last month. To be honest, what Maddie has been up to hasn't been so much so horrible, as it has been disconcerting. I thought we had a better handle on all of this stuff and to find out otherwise was just a slap in the face.
I hate it when that happens.
Sometimes life just creeps up behind you and kicks you in the tail, ya know? And the last few days have been a virtual kick in the pants - and not the good kind.
When Maddie started school this year, she was excited. So very excited. In fact, she's still excited. The girl just loves kindergarten, often getting a bit pouty on Friday afternoons when she realizes it will be a couple more days before she can go back and see her friends.
I'm choosing to believe its because she loves learning (which she does) and has enjoyed making new friends (which she has done). I don't think there's any kind of bonding issues going on here. She comes home so excited to share her day with us...to show us her papers and to relate her experiences. It's so fun to watch. We've encouraged her love of school and have been so proud of the progress she's made.
Her teacher told us that in the testing, she's doing pretty well. She's hanging tough with the other kids on the materials she's learned so far. She can recognize her letters and is making good progress on understanding the sounds. Truly, the only cognitive delay seems to be in language...which makes sense, on so many levels. (Actually there is one other concern, but I'll save that for the IEP meeting post - which is also way too late in coming. UGH! )
But then two weeks ago it all started to unravel.
We've known she's been having trouble transitioning from one event at school to another. It's just too much for her little system to take. She's finally doing much better with changes that take place within the classroom...its any time they leave the room that her little life goes into a tailspin.
And she has an incredibly hard time recovering.
Most of the time she reacts by being silly. At first it was just yelling and running in the hallways...occasionally it would get a touch more serious than that. Messing with other kids' artwork on the walls or opening a door and popping into another class to say hi, but overall she was manageable. The teachers implemented a behavior management strategy - which we learned about at her IEP meeting, which I am in the middle of writing the blog about - and felt like they had things under control.
Until that Friday.
Two Fridays ago started out fine. I dropped her off at school with the big kids, just like always. She skipped into the building, all smiles...just like always. And the teacher said she had a pretty good morning...just like always.
But when it came time for lunch, it all went down the proverbial toilet.
Lunchtime has been a problem for awhile.
The room is noisy. There is a lot of conversation, a lot of excitement and not enough supervision.
It's a nuthouse...to put it mildly.
You can imagine what it does to a post-institutionalized kid.
Add to that the serious amount of noise coming at her, magnified by her hearing aids and the fact that she still has trouble distinguishing sounds and tuning things in and out...and well, you can imagine. (Which reminds me...I need to tell the teachers about her inability to tune in and tune out. UGH! I don't think I'll ever be able to keep this stuff all straight!)
The teachers had managed to use the behavior modification plan in the lunchroom with limited success...but this particular day nothing worked.
It started out with Maddie standing up on the bench instead of sitting down to eat. When the lunchroom monitor told her to sit down, she sat. For a second. Then she stood up again. The teacher told her to sit down again...and she did. For a second.
Finally the teacher walked over to her and firmly told her to sit down, to which Maddie replied 'no'.
At that point, Maddie told the teacher that she needed to go to the bathroom. The teacher told her no because she had the opportunity to go before lunch (this has been a daily problem - she doesn't go before lunch and then demands that she be allowed to leave to go potty - I think its because she likes the freedom of going to the bathroom by herself.)
The teacher then made the mistake of turning and walking away.
Maddie stood up and walked out of the lunchroom.
A hallway monitor caught her just outside the door.
Then, later in P.E., Maddie (for some unknown reason) decided to bite a girl.
That's when the superintendent was called.
They tried calling me, but I had just the afternoon before, changed cell phone plans and hadn't given them the new number yet - although they did have my work number and didn't even try to call that one.
The Superintendent decided to keep her in her office for the next hour or so, in which she worked with Maddie on her letters and numbers and talked with her about making good decisions.
This is where you can start coloring me increasingly frustrated.
While Maddie understands a good amount of English - using words like good choices and bad choices are completely lost on her. Completely.
Anyway...finally the Super decided Maddie was starting to miss her classroom and that it was time to take her back. She returned Maddie to the classroom which was in the middle of reading time. Maddie walked right in, sauntered up to another kid, shoved him out of the way and sat down.
Sigh. Sigh.
I had a conversation with the Super that night on the phone. As she repeated the day to me it was all I could do not to cry. Seriously.
And then she said these words...
"And what concerns me the most is that Maddie doesn't seem to care. She shows absolutely no emotion whatsoever. No compassion. No empathy. No regret. No nothing."
I tried explaining her background - for the thousandth time, but you know...I'm getting tired of it. I'm tired of explaining how she spent the first four years o her life in an orphanage...
How the orphanage was survival of the fittest...
How she had to fight in order to get what she needed/wanted...
How discipline is either non-existent or severe.
How we're working with her..trying to retrain her..but it takes time.
And I keep telling them its not an excuse, its an explanation....
But I'm sick of it. Really, really, sick of it.
That was a Friday.
Maddie had a miserable weekend...and not by her choosing. She went to bed Friday night at 5 p.m...as soon as she got up on Saturday she became my shadow and spent her entire day that way...she went to bed early again Saturday night and we continued talking about being nice to people and doing what your teachers' tell you do do - all weekend.
We made sure she realized we were NOT happy with how she was acting. It was COMPLETELY unacceptable and she would change her ways on Monday or she would be getting in more trouble. However, if she had a good report on Monday she could earn the privilege of working on the computer - which she loves.
We thought we had gotten through to her.
Monday wasn't good...much of the same behavior - except, thankfully, no biting. More sneaking out of the lunchroom and ignoring the lunchroom monitor.
Shad had Tuesday off and so I told the teacher to give him a call if there were more lunchtime antics. He would come over and take care of it right away.
Tuesday's lunch was fine...and she had a great day...until the last 20 minutes of the day - when she leaned over, during circle time, and bit a girl on the finger.
She says it was because the girl stole her ring.
So Shad had to go in and get her from school and bring her home.
It wasn't pretty.
Maddie cried. Hard. Much to the delight of the Super who must have thought we had adopted a monster.
Shad took the blubbering Maddie, brought her home and sent her to her room until he could get his thoughts together.
That night we came up with a plan.
We decided that we would take turns being on-call to come on a moments notice to deal with Maddie's behavior issues. If the school called, we would come and deal with her before going back to work. We also came up with a simple reward/consequences behavior plan. If she obeyed and got a good report from school, she could earn a coloring book at the end of the week - she LOVES to color.
If she was not able to make it through the week then she would have consequences.
We explained it all to Maddie - in simple words of course.
Darn it if that girl didn't have a great rest of the week.
The little stinker knows exactly what she's doing.
How do you handle a child that knows exactly what she's doing and is testing to see how much she can get away with?
At home, she's pretty well behaved...because she KNOWS she's not going to get away with it. But at school she's got a 50/50 shot. She behaves just fine for her homeroom teacher, but gives just about everyone else she comes into contact with a hard time.
Maddie's teacher is concerned that she may have too many people associated with her IEP. She thinks all the changes that she goes through everyday is just feeding into this chaos. Not that she doesn't think she needs the help - she obviously does. She's just trying to help us figure out how to help her the best.
I'm so confused. So frustrated. So worn out.
I have no idea how to help Maddie. Non at all.
I knew parenting an older post-institutionalized child would be difficult. And I knew parenting a child with a disability - no matter how minor - would be difficult.
I really did KNOW this.
But knowing and doing really ARE two different things.

23 salty messages:

jessy October 19, 2009 at 11:28 PM  

*hugs* Sorry I didn't send you them last week, my computer would not cooperate for comments, but I was reading--and praying.
You've parented more PI kiddos than me, but in my opinion (which I have formed through careful study of attachment), I would not recommend using a reward system for Maddie's behaviour at school. This is the exact opposite advice the educational experts at school will give you, and in all fairness, reward systems work great for your "average" child. But will it work for Maddie? I think not, at least, not in the way you want it to.
It sounds to me as though she is going through a control/power issue at this time (especially since her bad behaviour increases during times when her environment is particularly caotic). She is seeking control in these situations (walking out of the lunch room) and relishing the consequences. Even though they are negative, she MADE them happen. And anyway, what kind of punishment is sitting in the superintendant's office with plenty of attention??!! When you give her a reward system, you are giving her more control. You are right--she is working the system, and knows exactly what she is doing. I don't think you will get the results you want from this type of modification because she will work it for as long as she wants to, and then she won't. Either way, she is calling the shots. What Maddie needs now is LESS control. She needs to develop the trust that teachers and adults are in charge, in control, and taking care of her needs. She has no say. No power. Ultimately, this will allow her to develop a sense of safety and security at school.
Just my two cents, and I realize it flies in the face of conventional wisdom, but as you pointed out, Maddie is not a conventional child.

Tina in CT October 20, 2009 at 5:35 AM  

Oh, I feel so badly after reading your post. One thing I want to suggest is talking with the school psycologist and maybe she/he will have some plan of action/advice.

Elaine October 20, 2009 at 7:32 AM  

Oh Tami! I can only imagine your frustration and sadness over all of this. But I think your plan to be "on call" sounds excellent, really. Not only will it help Maddie understand that her behavior has to change, it will also reinforce the idea that Mom and Dad will always be there -- no matter what.

Courtney October 20, 2009 at 7:55 AM  

I'm sending you an email. :) I think me comment would be too long. ;)

Svetlana October 20, 2009 at 8:55 AM  

HI, Tammy!!!
BIG HUGS to you!!!
i have a friend who adopted a boy and he has very similar behavior and knows what he is doing and planning he is 5yr. old. He had so many people in his life, so now he is in Kinder and same thing won't listen. She printed out of the Internet about attachments problems to read for his teacher, so she can more understand what is going on with the child. That actually helped teacher to understand more and even she came up with some ideas how to help her son. It is working so far ok, if you want i can ask her what notes she give to them.
Also i used to use hearing aids in the public, but it always was hard for me to concentrate because of all the noise and it give me sometime headake. I can imagine what it does to Maddie during lunch time. Can they allow to eat in more quiet place? Maybe that is why she wants to go use bathroom, to get away from that BIG giant noise.

adoptedthree October 20, 2009 at 10:15 AM  

Perhaps she needs a more controlled enviornment. Vitaly was first in a class of only six IEP/SN children in the mornings and then with a single aide incorporated into the main classroom. Having an aide with her at lunch to modify her behavior can be written into her IEP..

Diana October 20, 2009 at 10:20 AM  

Ugh! This is so maddening! Right now I've got just the opposite problem you do. My youngest is a terror at home, even though he KNOWS it isn't acceptable. He does it to get attention, to create chaos, and to express big feelings. At school, however, he's got them all totally duped. All they can see is an adorable, "normal" little darling...and they just cut his services because of it. It really chaps my hyde because I know full well that he's honeymooning and that what you've just written about Maddie WILL be my scenario next year in Kindergarten when they mainstream him and he's just one of 20 other kids in the class.

Now for the hard stuff. As a mom who is raising two adorable little RADlings, I have to say that Jessy hit it right on the head. I know that's so not what you want to hear :-( but unfortunately, I'm afraid it is what it is.

I'm not saying that Maddie has full blown RAD, but, as we've talked about several times in the past, attachment issues fall on a spectrum and she is still showing some strong signs that she's still strugging in this area. Once you get into those trauma based issues such as attachment, it's also hard to tell where one ends and the other begins. There could also be some PTSD action going on as well as some sensory issues. When it gets to that point, it doesn't really matter what letters are in the pot. It's all just a big, bubbling pot of brew that needs to be dealt with as a package before it explodes.

Indeed, it is very positive that she is excited to share her with you. It's also positive that she is seeking affection from you. However, consider, though, that it may be a two edge sword. It may be sincere, or it may well also be a mask to cover up what she knows she's been doing at school...a ploy to win you over with her charms so she doesn't get in trouble.

So how do you know if it's sincere or a ploy? Congratulate her on her great school work she is showing you. Hug her to pieces as you normally would. Then ask about her behavior. Ask her if she got in trouble at school or if she broke any rules. If she did and she doesn't want you to know about it, she'll either bold faced lie to you or she'll turn up the charm and attempt to change the subject. Don't let her do it. She needs to own it.

Especially if you know she did get in trouble, call her on it...gently of course. "Hmmm...I talked to your teacher. She told me you walked out of the lunchroom again today. Why would teacher tell me that?" And then let her take it from there. If she really did, she may get defensive, have a sudden mood change, blame it on someone or something else, or tell you it was the teacher who was lying.

...to be con't...

Diana October 20, 2009 at 10:21 AM  

The thing is, attachment challenged kids don't trust adults, any aduts, to keep them safe. They think all adults are stupid, too, and they set out on a mission to make it appear true. The more stressed they become, the more that twisted thinking dominates their world.

Yah, you're totally setting her up by doing this, but it goes back to the control thing. She needs to know that you are in control. She needs to know that you are still her mom and still the one in charge even when she's at school. She also needs to know that you will know what she does even when she can't see you...that you don't forget about her when you're at work and she's at school. Welcome to the RADical thought process! :-)

When they get caught in their little game and they find out that the adults really do know what they're doing, it totally freaks the kids out. They don't know how to handle it. That's when you step in with the all the love and reassurance in the world that you CAN and WILL keep her safe and that no one will hurt her again.

Jessy is also right on about the rewards and consequences. It will do you absolutely NO GOOD to consequence her at home for her behavior at school. You can talk with her about it, you can teach her different coping skills, and you can even roll play and let her know what will happen at school if she keeps acting the way she is. But don't punish her for it. As I just said, she needs to know that no matter what she does, you are still her mom and you still love her. If you consequence her for stuff that happens when you're not there, you will find yourself going 10 steps backward with the attachment you have built over the past couple of years.

If she's ever going to truly trust both them and you, and settle down there, THEY have to earn her trust and THEY have to prove to her that she is safe there and that THEY can take care of her during school hours. If they can't, the situation will only get worse as time goes on.

One thing I would consider is listening to the teacher when she says it may be wise to temporarily cut back on services and eliminate some of the transitions during the day. She is obviously doing well until she moves outside her stress tolerance window - and then all heck breaks loose.

The bathroom thing is also something we're very familiar with. It doens't take kids long to figure out how to control it and to know that they can effectively use "if you don't let me go, I'll pee my pants and then you'll wish you had let me go and I'll blame it all on you when it happens" threat with all adults. They also instinctively know that this is a place where they can go to temporarily escape the chaos and reset their little brains. I do have one who REALLY WILL pee his pants if you don't let him go, so it's been a little easier to get the school on board with "send him to the bathroom often. It's a great brain reset and also prevents "accidents." It is also not uncommon for attachment challenged kids to use the bathroom and the business that happens there as control weapons. You nor the school really want to push her into actually using them - because once she gets a flair for how effective that weapon is against adults, she'll use it regularly!

If you want to chat more about it or have other questions I might be able to help answer, email me offline. I feel for you, I KNOW how exhausting it is, and I'm here for you!

Conethia and Jim Bob October 20, 2009 at 10:56 AM  

Girl, I sympothize. We are having similar school related issues. C just can't mind his primary teacher. ESL teacher, fine. Intervention teacher, no problem. But when it comes to his homeroom teacher, he can't sit still/be quiet/leave the other kids alone! We have done the talking thing/ the reasoning things/ the bribing him with rewards for good behavior thing (eating a particular candy seems to work for him daily) all with no avail. 10 weeks his behavior has been decreasing slowly. He does amazingly at home/Nana's/Church/everywhere but with her. It was when I observed her allowing him to "cheat" so that he could keep up with the other students (and not disturb her) that we realized the source of the problem. Now, we have 10 weeks of "letting him slide" to undo and a very "in your face" moma at that school. Argh!

Rachael October 20, 2009 at 11:30 AM  

Well, having gone through some similar situations myself, the best advice I can give you it to just take several deep breaths and try not to be too reactionary. I KNOW what it's like to feel like you finally have a handle on something and you've worked so hard, and then it all comes crashing down and you realize you've been pedaling like mad and you've gone a quarter of a mile when you thought you'd gone 10. It can feel SO overwhelming. You question everything. BUT...usually when the dust settles, you realize you are still going forward, however slowly and you have to just keep going! You WILL get there eventually. (We will too. :)) Hang in there. Parenting is HARD!

MamaPoRuski October 20, 2009 at 12:44 PM  

Both my adopted kids thrived on creating chaos, it's what feels good. O still does...They pulled my Z out for one on one quiet lunch for the first year and we slowly got him back to the lunch room. It is overwhelming, and every new person got the testing of limits. I agree with Jessy that sitting with the office with attention from adults is no punishment. Do they not have any other child with behavior problems such as ADHD or autism that they have to watch the over stimulation and maintain a tight routine? I am amazed that they are not more proactive instead of reactive! Praying for you.

Shelley October 20, 2009 at 2:51 PM  

I have a PI kiddo with special needs that does many of the same things that you are describing. For him, it is all about attention and control...he doesn't care if it's negative attention, it's still attention. He's fully capable of following the rules(as he demonstrates when it suites him) and he will actually laugh after acting in blatant defiance.

I'd be happy to email with you about some of the things we've put into place for our son if you'd like. We're seeing some success at school now(not perfect, but better)....but that was after he pulled the fire alarm and evacuated the entire building *sigh*

Leslie October 20, 2009 at 7:05 PM  

wow, I'm sorry to hear all of this. Kristina has a computer teacher this year that told her, "Why can't you type properly? Everyone else your ages can do it with their eyes shut!" I tried emailing the teacher and explaining her background and it was like talking to a wall. The fact that she didn't have access to technology like American kids her age for the first 12 years of her life is lost on this lady. It hurt Kristina to be pointed out in this way. She even made Kristina call me in the middle of class to let me know that she needed to practice more - in front of the other kids! I'm livid and not sure how to handle it. I'm a teacher and I know that's not right. But finding the right ear to listen to my grievances isn't as easy as I though it would be. Its a juggling act, isn't it? Hang in there. Prayers coming your way.

Annie October 20, 2009 at 7:13 PM  

I'm having some issues like this too, with Ilya. Some people just don't get it. It is beyond frustrating.

Sounds to me, though, like Maddie's school environment (especially lunch) is just so chaotic. Is there any chance they could spare her that lunchroom zoo? With her hearing aid that might be just torture. Think of it! Lunchtime is supposed to be a time for the kids to relax and unwind - but for her it just piles on the stress. No wonder she's overloaded. Couldn't an aide - or a couple of older girls share lunch with her in a quite corner of a classroom?

Zhen had a lot of problems at first because he couldn't tell who had authority - there were too many people, and some of them were young girls, not dressed professionally - I think he saw them as having the same clout as the teenaged girls at the orphanage. I was so mortified the day they called me to come because he'd not only defied one of the playground supervisors, he'd followed it up by climbing the fence and running away...then when she caught him, he BIT her!

You'll be glad to know that today five years later, he is a very well behaved little boy. Praise God!

I do empathize. What else could make you feel so helpless as putting your beloved child in the care of people who neither cherish nor understand her? And having them look at you as though you, personally are at fault? You are probably prompting me to write my Ilya update post. Oh, dear.

srlsfamily October 20, 2009 at 7:26 PM  

Ok, mom to a PI kid too. What you might do is ask the school to conduct a Functional Behavioral Assessment (FBA). This, if done well, is designed to identify what are the "triggers" for behaviors and work to try and identify things to do "before" the triggers happen. I had this happen very successfully for my son when he was in Kindergarten. I also think the process was very helpful to the teaching team who could recognize that ...because of his make up and back-ground...the triggers could be modified and we could get good behavior and then he would feel that success and that would help him to be able to tolerate more (if that makes any sense).
I also think that maybe (given all of Maddie's issues) that she might need a different lunch program. My son also is trggered by the pandemonium that is the lunchroom. In K, they wrote him out of the lunchroom and he did great. Since 1st and 2nd grade, the teacher states that he MUST go to lunchroom (because she needs some space/time). It is bad for him, all of his issues happen there...he never eats (which is a problem for him - low appetite from meds and then can't be distracted from everything going on around him to even contemplate eating! - and then a teacher who tells him everynight to tell me he didn't eat anything! - UGH!
Anyway, I plan on insisting that he get a quiet place to eat in his IEP meeting in a couple weeks. I don't care if he has to go to the principals office to get it.

Olga October 21, 2009 at 7:58 PM  

I am probably completely off the topic, but can not get your post out of my mind.
Yes, I agree, biting has to be stopped. Not a good thing.
But on other subjects I feel really conflicted.
It seems to me that a lot of pressure and responsibility is put on Maddie. Do adults in cafeteria have some responsibility too? Should child be allowed to go to the bathroom at any time she thinks she needs it?
And even if she is using this as the way to escape the madness of the cafeteria, why is it wrong?
How docile she needs to be to please the school?
I understand that she has the hearing aid. It must be very hard be be in loud room. I never used hearing aid, but one of my co-workers uses it. He is very balanced and pleasant man. When he started to have problems with his hearing he became very irritable, he explained the situation to us, so we all knew what he is going through, but still his behavior was strange. I can not even imagine how hard it must be on a small child who can not even properly express his feelings to deal with it. And at the same time have no way to escape loud cafeteria. It is unfair to her.
And why she should not exercise the power over her circumstances? The room is loud (it can be physically painful to be in loud room, I can attest to that, working in extremely noisy labs) and she has no way out of it. She rebels against it. Why is it bad? It may be very good thing when she grows up. Not putting up with just any nonsense thrown up at her.
It still is very hard for you to deal with, but consider it as growing pains. She may grow up as a very strong and independent person, capable of defending herself in any circumstances. That is the trait you do not want to kill just to please the school cafeteria.
What I mean, is that our interpretation of children behavior is often misguided and driven by convenience of adults.
I wish you the best of luck and a lot of patience. Strong willed children are not necessarily bad, but very hard on parent. Your patience may go long way in Maddie's life. And people in school are not always right either.

Annie October 22, 2009 at 8:09 AM  

Olga - I LOVE your post! Love it! I do think that sometimes the teachers and people "in charge" are so focused on "keeping order" and enforcing regulations that they cannot see into the hearts of individual children.

Calico Sky October 23, 2009 at 6:18 AM  

Oh Tami, I'm really sorry. I've been through this as a foster parent and it is tough, their goal posts change weekly and daily and it is so hard to be 1 step ahead. I'll be praying for you and hope that the school will be helpful in finding a system that works for Maddie now and flexible enough to change it when she has new needs.


Anonymous,  October 23, 2009 at 7:34 PM  

Thank you Annie.

Cindi Campbell October 24, 2009 at 11:15 AM  

These two things I learned while parenting my bio-son who was a bit ADHD and who grew up to be a fine young man with great values and work ethic.
1. Everychild has some problems to overcome but for some the problems are ones that are really bothersome to OTHERS . Seriously!
Some children have problems that don't bother anybody. Think about that when the school is trying to put the blame on you. LOL
2. Change doesn't come quickly or quick enough for us as parents but it WILL COME.

We now have an adopted child our middle girl who is able to control herself at school but explodes as soon as she gets home. We are dealing with a lot of issues of control also and trying to figure out the best plan of action. Best wishes for your little Maddie.

SLColman October 24, 2009 at 12:39 PM  

I am sorry that things are going so rough with school and Maddie.
I know that you and Shad are probably at about the end of your ropes!! Keep hanging on though and know that we are praying for you!!

mrsbroccoliguy October 24, 2009 at 5:28 PM  

You know, it probably doesn't feel like it, but it actually sounds like you DO know how to deal with this stuff - and you ARE dealing with it! The coloring book bribe worked! Yes it's frustrating that she seems to be testing and pushing the limits but you and Shad are doing a VERY GOOOD JOB at handling this testing period!

I don't know about parenting a post-institutionalized child, but having an ADHD kid, I would agree that less transitions and less chaos would be very good things. Would it be possible for her to spend her lunches in the classroom or some other quiet environment? Maybe that would make the whole day better, if she had some quiet time to herself, to destress and prepare for the afternoon. (A friend of mine with an ADHD son who had great difficulty in the cafeteria actually went to school every day and had him eat lunch in the car with her... an extreme solution, but one that worked for them.)

In any case, I just wanted to say you really are doing a good job. It's tiring and frustrating and so very hard... but what you are doing is working and WILL make a difference in the long run!!

Take care.

Anonymous,  October 24, 2009 at 10:27 PM  

First of all my heart goes out to you and your husband. You are right parenting a PI adopted chiild is tough....really tough.
When I read your post I felf for you, really felt for you. You sound so sad. So Stressed. It will get better. Is there any way at all you can pick Maddie up for lunch, I think that might help. It will make her happy to see you in the middle of the day and it will eliiminate some of the lunch time problems.
Now my next reason for posting some of the comments left are down right mean. especially Dianes psot, She does it all the time. Making parents crazy thinking that all kids have RAD. Ifeel sorry for her but talk about bad timing. I am sure you didn't want to hear that when you are so upset. No your daughter isn't RAD, could be some attachment issues but it takes time. Do we really think that strong attachmenthappends right away or even a year, it takes time. You are at a pro at this, So come on fellow blog readers we need to help people feel better not throw out accusations that we are not educated to do. I understand misery loves company but come on. Tami keep up the great work, Maddie seems to be full of life and spunk! Try to make her comfortable, there seems to have been alot of changes in your life lately, give her time.
All the best
I just had to post, that comment just bothered me.
Pray Maddie and Mommy hve a better week :)

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