Powered by Blogger.

a word to the wise...

Monday, November 2, 2009

IF, in order to appease your conscious, and to get your husband to shut his trap about the price of said dehydrator, you decide to start drying everything in sight...

IF you decide to make a New Year's resolution because that's what everyone else is doing...
And IF you can't seem to ever stick to one that affects you, so you resolve that your children need to be the object of said resolution...
And IF you decide that the resolution needs to include getting the kids to drop their fake juice packets, toss their 'fruit' roll-ups and start eating healthier...
And IF you go a little overboard about said New Year's resolution and decide to start making your own snacks because then you would know what is in their snacks - even if they don't...
And IF on a whim you decide to buy a new dehydrator - say, off of e-bay - and have it shipped to your house and are super-giddy about the brand new dehydrator that cost WAY more than any little appliance has a right to...
And IF, in order to appease your conscious, and to get your husband to shut his trap about the price of said dehydrator, you decide to start drying everything in sight...
AND IF you realize there's a certain thrill in drying everything you can find and start doing some research about what all can be done with your dehydrator and the cool, relatively healthy new recipes you can make with your new dehydrator and start looking videos up on youtube about dehydrating and finding all kinds of movies about long-term food storage and start thinking that it really isn't all that far-fetched that you may, some day, need 200 pounds of rice in a heat-sealed mylar bag, just in case, I don't know, a rogue hurricane hits Kansas, or say, Obama can't seem to get his rampant spending under control and goes ahead and forces us all into universal health care and implements his secret socialist plan...
Oops...got a little political there. Sorry about that.
And IF you start to go overboard on this dehydrating thing and start drying everything that isn't moving in the house including bananas (because they're an easy thing to start with), every tomato your neighbor brings in from their garden over the course of the summer (thereby depriving your family of garden fresh tomatoes while they're in season - because you moved back to the Sunflower State WAY too late in the season to get a decent tomato crop), apples from your first trip to an orchard (because you just HAD to have something to dehydrate) and even start buying frozen vegetables because the lady on the youtube video says they are the easiest things to dehydrate because they're already blanched and if you buy them on sale you can save tons of money and you buy those vegetables because it seems like a really good idea at the time but then when you get home you don't have enough room in your freezer to hold them until you're ready to dehydrate them so you stick them in the refrigerator and PRAY they stay fresh until you can get around to them and you start kicking yourself for not buying a BIGGER dehydrator...
Whew!
And IF your family starts to eat the foods you start making from all of these newly dehydrated foods...
And IF they start complimenting you on your new culinary skills...
And IF, for some unknown reason, because you really AREN'T a whack-job...the kids start talking about your food 'collection' and about how cool it is and how they want to start collecting things too...
Then PLEASE in the name of all things good, holy and otherwise normal - stay away from the produce section of your local Wal-Mart store where the yellow onions are on sale...
And IF you don't stay away from that section, at least have the decency not to buy a big bag of yellow onions...
And IF you can't help yourself from buying that big bag of onions because the price is so good, please DO NOT immediately take the bag home and starting cutting up a yellow onion...
AND IF you can't stop yourself from pulling out that cutting board to chop away, by all means stop yourself before you cut them all up at once...
And IF you do go ahead and cut them all up at once, for heaven's sake, please, Please, PLEASE!!! DO. NOT. and I repeat DO. NOT. put them in your dehydrator.
Please.
Or your house is going to stink to high heaven...
AND your four children will moan and complain about the stench...
AND your two dogs will run whimpering from the room...
AND your husband will laugh at your through teary eyes caused by said dehydrating onions...
AND you'll probably have to burn every candle in the house to get rid of the smell.
For the next three weeks.
I'm just sayin'.

I'm thankful for...Febreeze. Enough said.

14 salty messages:

Diana November 2, 2009 at 11:32 PM  

Oh my word, I am laughing so hard I'm crying!!! I have a dehydrator (one I should be more enthused about) and can only imagine the impact that filling it full of nice, juicy yellow onions! You rock, girlfriend!

Old DAN AND Little ANN November 3, 2009 at 12:37 AM  

Ah man! That is awful! Gotta love onions. When Dan and I were first married, we volunteered to babysit for a friend. When they dropped him off they said something about him not having pooped yet that evening (we just figured there were lots of evenings we didn't poop so what was their point?) and that he'd had an onion bagel earlier. (??? what did that have to do with the poop thing? We weren't sure but we figured married with kids were weird anyways so let them talk out their dropping off junior shpeel.) Little did we know ... about 1 hour after they left, junior dropped the onion bagel! P.U! Dan ran for the fan switch while I tried to aim a wipe at his brown bum through tear filled eyes. The fan was the WORST idea Dan ever had! The whole house smelled like onion bagel pooh well into the next day. His parents knew the bagel was no longer in him as soon as they walked in the door to pick him up and apologized. BUT if they knew to warn us, he must've done this before! SO WHYYYYYYY, please tell me, would they feed him an onion bagel a second time???? ... all that to say, "I sympathize ... totally!"

Annie November 3, 2009 at 2:29 AM  

Just remember...the rule of thumb for Russian and Ukrainian food (savory food, obviously) is: use 1/3 onion to 2/3 meat. Do that and you'll need to head out for another bag of onions.

Tina in CT November 3, 2009 at 5:29 AM  

After all is said and done, do you like the dehydrator?

Katie November 3, 2009 at 7:19 AM  

LOL. But you are SET for soups, now!

Courtney November 3, 2009 at 7:43 AM  

ROFL!!!!! Oh my goodness! Who would have thought? But absolutely hysterical!!

Hey, at least you're making good use of your dehydrator!! LOL

(I'm going to be laughing about this all day, btw. :))

Conethia and Jim Bob November 3, 2009 at 8:10 AM  

My sides hurt from laughing! I did see that one coming. In our case, it's an old dog that we have had from the day we met that is getting so old the poor thing can't hold her bladder but she has lived inside and slept with me since my husband worked nights and I just can't bring myself to put her outside (she might get cold) and now you wake up in a puddle of tinkle every other day eventhough the dog spent the entire day outside!! Thank goodness for Febreeze!

Elaine November 3, 2009 at 8:26 AM  

Ha ha ha! I haven't tried onions yet, but my deyhdrater is out in the garage, so I could do it. But right now? Our garage is also our barn, and everything is covered in hay, so my dehydrator is taking quite the vacation. Only 200 pounds of rice? You neophyte "food collector" you. ;)

MamaPoRuski November 3, 2009 at 11:04 AM  

Teary laughs here too! I have one we aren't using, will send to make the process go quicker. You're a little late for Y2K don't ya think? :)

Tami November 3, 2009 at 11:21 AM  

I KNOW! I don't know what's gotten into me! I think I may be guilty of watching too many YouTube dehydration videos, which then of course link to long-term food storage videos which of course link to disaster preparedness videos. I need to just STOP THE MADNESS before my friends (IRL and BLOGGY) start thinking I really am a whack-job. Actually, the food preservation part of it is nice. I'm using the dehydrated foods in all kinds of yummy recipes. I used the vegetables last week in an awesome stew. Threw it all in the crock-pot and wallah - 8 hours later I had an amazing supper. And then on Sunday I made Chicken Pot Pie, again using my dehydrated vegetables. AGAIN...yummy. So I'm really not THAT far off my rocker...just far enough to put onions in the dehydrator...which, just so you know, the stench has followed me all the way to work today. I did take a shower this morning, but I've had two people mention the smell of onions today. I'm too embarrassed to tell them the truth.

MoonDog November 3, 2009 at 1:11 PM  

I tried already to post this. You are a little too late to be singing that chant sister! I learned the hard way too sometime last year. I dont think I have dehydrted anything since!

jessy November 3, 2009 at 2:36 PM  

This made me laugh. Hard. Thanks!

SLColman November 3, 2009 at 6:01 PM  

Such a great post!!
I love my dehydrator too!!

mrsbroccoliguy November 4, 2009 at 10:14 AM  

Oh my gosh, that is too funny. And thank you ever so much for the advice... "onions and dehydrators do not mix" - got it! :-)

Post a Comment

Blog Archive

joy of adoption




Networked Blog Followers

  © Blogger template On The Road by Ourblogtemplates.com 2009

Back to TOP