Sunday, May 15, 2011
Today I had one of the most difficult moments of my 12-year mommy career.
This afternoon Maddie told me she doesn't want to wear her hearing aid anymore...she wants real ears, 'just like you.'
Later, when I told Shad about our talk, he said it so simply, 'We knew this day would come sooner or later. I just didn't think it would be this soon.'
Yeah. Me either.
The simple fact is, I wasn't prepared. Oh, I've thought about what I would say to Maddie about her ears when the time came - about how God made her special...that he had something amazing planned for her life and how not everyone gets to be as special as she is.
But when I started to say those words, it just didn't seem like enough.
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The truth is Maddie is different...and there's nothing I can do to change that.
When Nick says he doesn't like his glasses...or Anya complains about her height...and Alek wishes he didn't need braces, I just explain that a ton of other kids have the same issues. And while it may seem like a big deal right now, there will be a day when it will either be fixed, or it won't be so important anymore.
I can't say the same thing for Maddie.
My precious baby girl's differences go so much deeper than glasses, height or braces. They're rooted in other people's choices - choices that left a permanent mark on my child's life. And while Maddie IS an incredible kid with an amazing future. And I KNOW God has something amazing planned for her life - you can't meet this child and not be absolutely convinced of that. For this one afternoon, I think what Maddie needed more than anything was to mourn...and she needed me to comfort.
So she climbed up into my lap, laid her head on my chest and let her crocodile tears fall. And I rocked her...and cried right along with her.
When we were done, we wiped away our tears and talked about how God made her special. He gave her the ability to read people's lips from across the room...not everyone can do that. And she has that cool microphone at school that lets her hear her teacher no matter where she is - kinda like Superman. And she knows sign language which means she can talk without saying a word. Pretty impressive if you ask me.
She smiled...then giggled...and gave me a big hug before jumping off my lap and running upstairs to play.
And I sat back and sighed.
She really IS an incredible kid.